Episode 57: Imperfections in Perseverance: How to Never Give Up with Casting Director, Lisa Stokes
“Failure is not for the weak at heart. It's not, you have to own your failures in persevere through it because they allow you to grow.” - Lisa Stokes
Failed it! Fam, on today’s episode we have a sports and entertainment expert with us, Lisa Stokes! Listen in as she tells us stories of overcoming setbacks in her career, how 2020 was the hardest year of her professional and personal life, and how hardships can lead to some of your greatest gifts.
In today’s episode, Lisa talks to us about:
A day in the life of a sports business professional
When life throws you unexpected hardships
Resilience and perseverance
Links from show discussions:
Instagram & Twitter: @LisaAStokes
About the Guest: Lisa Stokes has been in the sports and entertainment world for over 15 years as a Director of Casting, Talent Booking and Athlete Marketing. With two years in non-profit public relations and 13 years at ESPN, she has extensive experience within all areas of television and film talent procurement, celebrity and athlete booking, as well as influencer castings. Through her career, Lisa has built a large team and managed many areas of the sports business world. Lisa works with agents, PR firms, publicists, production companies and movie studio clients on a regular basis. You can see her work in commercials for Sony Pictures, Netflix, Land Rover, Universal Pictures, Warner Brothers, Paramount, Kellogg and other major national companies and brands (campaigns can be seen in the “My Portfolio” tab). Negotiating and executing all talent contracts and strategies is also one of her seasoned skills. Lisa also was the casting director and booker for ESPN’s high acclaimed annual espnW Women + Sports Summit. In Lisa’s previous roles, she ran the talent content booking department for seven years, securing guests for all ESPN television shows. This also included visitors to ESPN who go through the “Bristol Car Wash,” the somewhat tongue-in-cheek term for the often-hectic schedule sports and entertainment celebrities undertake in appearing all over ESPN family of digital, social and linear networks. Lisa also worked for the Women’s Sports Foundation in public relations, managing logistics of events such as press conferences, satellite media tours and professional and Olympic athlete appearances. She also wrote stories for and edited publications, was a ghost writer for the CEO, president and founder, and worked with the media on increasing the foundation’s profile.Lisa graduated summa cum laude from Georgetown University with a graduate degree in Sports Business Management and Boston’s Suffolk University with a bachelor’s degree in communications and journalism. Lisa is also graduate school professor at NYU and Georgetown University. The former college hooper also coached basketball at every level for 15 years. She resides in the Boston area with her husband and three young children.
About the Host: Erin Diehl is the founder and Chief “Yes, And” officer of improve it! and host of the failed it! Podcast. She’s a performer, facilitator and professional risk-taker who lives by the mantra, “get comfortable with the uncomfortable.” Through a series of unrelated dares, Erin has created improve it!, a unique professional development company that pushes others to laugh, learn and grow. Her work with clients such as United Airlines, PepsiCo, Groupon, Deloitte, Motorola, Walgreens, and The Obama Foundation earned her the 2014 Chicago RedEye Big Idea Award and has nominated her for the 2015-2019 Chicago Innovations Award.
This graduate from Clemson University is a former experiential marketing and recruiting professional as well as a veteran improviser from the top improvisational training programs in Chicago, including The Second City, i.O. Theater, and The Annoyance Theatre.
When she is not playing pretend or facilitating, she enjoys running and beach dates with her husband and son, and their eight-pound toy poodle, BIGG Diehl.
You can follow the failed it! podcast on Instagram @learntoimproveit and facebook, and you can follow Erin personally on Instagram @keepinitrealdiehl here. You can also check out improve it! and how we can help your organization at www.learntoimproveit.com. We can’t wait to connect with you online!
Episode 57 Transcription
Erin (00:00):
Hey friend, are you a leader who is career-focused, goal-driven, and possess a life long learner mentality? Do you dream about achieving your goals and spend hours Googling how tos and gurus? Does a side effect of your awesome, might I add, personality include perfectionism, the dreaded imposter syndrome, and the ever-present fear of failure? Well, you've landed in the right place. We just became virtual BFFs. I'm Erin Diehl, the founder of the improv training company improve it! And a recovering perfectionist turned failfluencer. Inspired by the improv rule there are no mistakes, only gifts, this podcast is the creative outlet you need to not only motivate you, but the people that you lead through interviews with corporate leaders, entrepreneurs, and even comedians. You'll walk away becoming a more empathetic boss by realizing that failure is a part of the journey and you must fail in order to improve. In the scene of life, we all have our own unique guests that we bring to the world, and it is our mistakes that help to unwrap them. Welcome to failed it!
Erin (01:20):
Hey failed it! Fam. Oh my gosh. Get ready. And please give a warm welcome to my friend, my failure partner in crime. Lisa Stokes! Lisa. Welcome to failed it. That was, that was really high energy right there for me, but also, you know what you're walking into so welcome.
Lisa (01:44):
I love it. I take it all and I send it right back to you.
Erin (01:49):
Okay. So I am going to very quickly give your awesome bio to the failed it! Fam and get ready failed it! Fam because this woman has done some cool things. So she's been in the sports and entertainment world for over 15 years as a director of casting, talent booking, and athlete marketing with two years and nonprofit, public relations and 13 years at ESPN. You might've heard of it. She has extensive experience within all areas of television and film, talent procurement, celebrity, and athlete booking as well as influencer castings. Okay. Okay, Lisa. So through her career, Lisa has built a large team and managed many areas of the sports business world. She works with agents, PR firms, publicists, production companies, and movie studio clients on a regular basis. You can see her work and commercials for Sony pictures, Netflix, Land Rover, Universal Pictures, Warner Brothers, Paramount, Kellogg, and other major national companies and brands. And you can also see this all on her website, which we will plug at the end.
Erin (03:02):
So negotiating and executing are all talent contracts and strategies is also one of her seasoned skills. She was also the casting director and Booker for ESPN’s high acclaimed annual ESPNW Women + Sports Summit. So in Lisa's previous roles, she ran the talent content booking department for seven years, securing guests for all ESPN television shows. This included visitors to ESPN who go through the “Bristol Car Wash,”, this somewhat tongue in cheek term for the often hectic schedule sports and entertainment celebrities undertake and appearing all over ESPN family of digital, social, and linear networks. Lisa also worked for the women's sports foundation in public relations, managing logistics of events, such as press conferences, satellite media tours, and professional and Olympic athlete up Erin says. She also wrote stories for an edited publications, was a ghost writer for the CEO, president and founder, and worked with the media on increasing the foundation's profile. She is a graduate from Georgetown University Summa laude to be exact with a graduate degree in sports business management and Boston Suffolk university with a bachelor's degree and communications in journalism. She's also a graduate school professor at NYU and Georgetown university. This former college hooper also coached basketball. Entry-Level for 15 years, she lives in Boston with her husband and three young children. And she's so bored. She is so bored. Lisa!
Lisa (04:35):
I think I need to change my bio. It should just say that's way too long. It's just, just say does a lot of crap. And it didn't even mention my full-time job, which clearly I need to update, which is head of athlete relations for one team partners, which is a very, very big role that I am sinking my teeth into every minute of the day.
Erin (04:57):
Yes. And we were going to get there and I, let me just say this sis O M G I read that and I, you and I have talked so many times before and I just think you're so awesome. So down to earth, we bonded over so many things. We met through a former guest on the failed it! Podcast Lauren Fritts VP of marketing for the Chicago Cubs. If you haven't checked that out, check out that episode. But I will say, I am just so impressed by everything that you have done. I mean, what a, what a ride and you have three children. Okay. Do you sleep? Do you sleep?
Lisa (05:38):
No, no. I aspire to, and I hire people that do sleep. I, my, right now the little ones are seven and a half just turned five and one and a half. So no, not really, some days. Yes. Some days, no.
Erin (05:54):
You know my story we've talked about our, our young ones.
Lisa (05:58):
Named Jackson.
Erin (05:59):
Yes. And I mean, it is, I mean, I feel you, I feel like I only have one and I'm like, how does, how does this happen with more? I don't know. I don't know, but.
Lisa (06:07):
My one and a half year old just shut the door to my office, which is not an office, it's the bedroom, and he shut the door. And he said, mommy busy so clearly I've been saying that too much to him.
Erin (06:21):
That is amazing. Jackson said to me, literally yesterday, he looks at me and he goes “leave. ”And I said, who taught you that? And so we had to have a talk about that when he said, okay, things that he's learning. Okay, well, let's start with you though. We're going to, we're going to jump right back into where we just left off, which is your crazy, crazy, awesome career. And I want to know, and I know the failed it! Fam will want to know. What's something that we couldn't find a fun fact about you. We couldn't find from your bio, your resume, your LinkedIn profile, tell us the goods on Lisa stat.
Lisa (06:57):
A fun fact. I wouldn't necessarily say it's fun, but I always use this. If, if people say, give me an interesting fact, is that, you know, you said I played basketball in college was I did I played four sports in high school, but I really think that most of that is because that's all I knew, like sports was just, it was a way like my mom, like I can't sit still. I, I need to do. And so I would say I was okay at all those things, but one thing that I could actually be proud of and say I was really good at is that I did martial arts from like the ages of five to like 15. And I was the youngest female in my school to get my black belt. So that's something that I never talk about, but I'm very proud of.
Erin (07:44):
Get it Lisa well rounded! Okay. Could you do the break of foot with, could you break a board, a wooden board with your foot? Could you do the kick through the board?
Lisa (07:58):
Sure. To be honest, most of that stuff is just showy.
Erin (08:00):
Yes. Okay. Well, that's what, you know, that's all I know about it. I'm like, it is a very, very cool sport and I feel like you have done everything in the sports industry I want to start with. Well, let's, let's just start right now. Well, where you are at your currently at one team, tell us a little bit about your role there, and then we're gonna back it on up.
Lisa (08:24):
Yes, one team is great. It's this semi startup, it's called one team partners. And they hired me to be the head of athlete relations. And they had not, they built this amazing company about three months before the pandemic hit. So they built all these departments within the company and then the pandemic hit right before they were about to build athlete relations. And so the pandemic hit, so they kind of paused and then they sorted to get this influx of business. And they had this amazing woman named Paige who was contracted for them and, you know, doing the best she could. And she you know, wanted to pursue other things. And so she had recommended me for the role and it is great and accelerating and challenging. We talked about this a little bit before that you've worked at a startup before, so it's it's has its benefits and its challenges for sure. One, one reason why, you know, they wanted me to come over is because I had built a team at ESPN. You know, when I inherited the talent booking department, there were three of us and was able, you know, over the next seven years to grow us to a team of 13. And I was so proud of that team. And I was just in awe of the people I worked with were just absolutely incredible ride or die hustlers. And I was, you know, it's one of the proudest things I have in my career is building that team. And so then I thought, well, if I can go to a startup and do it again, like, and not only my department and my team do well, but our company does well.
Lisa (10:09):
Like that would be pretty, pretty awesome. That's something to be proud of, you know? So that's, that's what I wanted to go over to them. And they're, you know, I think as you get older and not that we're old, but we're older. I think the things that are mattered to you at 24 are much different from what matters to you at 37. And when I was making this big change in my career, you know, 13 years at one company is a long time. The only other thing in my life that I have done longer than that is the relationship with my husband. We've been together 19 years. And so this was a massive, massive change. And what was really important to me, like I couldn't even fathom going to another company, but what was really important to me was working with good people. Like that is the most important thing to me because I always tell it, you know, I mentor, you mentioned, I teach graduate school. I mentor young students and I teach graduate school. And I always tell them, if you do something that you love, you'll never work a day in your life, but also you spend so much time with the people you work with more than your spouse, more than your kids, as much as we hate to admit that it's true. So I just have in a very important place in my life where I'm not going to spend that much time with people that aren't good people and the people at one team are just amazing people. So I'm very happy about that.
Erin (11:35):
Uh that makes me happy for you. And I totally agree with that. And that is why I feel like companies like improve it. The company I'm the founder of exist because we want people to enjoy what they do and who they do it with, because what is the purpose, if it's not fun, right?
Lisa (11:54):
Totally! And I will say, I'm such a joy seeker and I'm like a comedy junkie. So I don't know that I could work, but like my very early in my career, I was an intern at I started out in television as a writer, as an intern, as a news writer. And that lasted about a summer. And I was like, yup, this isn't for me, this is so gloomy. Like I love to live in the fake world of rainbows and cotton candy. Like I love that! And so I need to work. And I always tell, you know, I told the people that worked for me before, and I'll say it again now is that working in sports to the naked eye can seem a little shallow and vapid, but I always told my team, we have this innate ability and privilege to go out and find amazing stories that deserve to be told and told the right way and present that to people to enrich their lives. And that is an unbelievable privilege.
Erin (13:05):
Yes. Oh my God. You're so right. And I will say this about the Unicorn, the unicorns and cotton candy. My, my husband says I live in unicorns and rainbows and butterflies and rainbows myself. And I think the, the way that you're talking right now, the privilege, it's all about perspective, right? There's so much, there's so much darkness in this world. There's so many things happening around us and you can choose to dive into those and follow the dark, or you can be a light and you can follow the light and put things that draw that joy and that light to you. And that's what you're doing. And that's what your career has been all about. And you can just tell you're passionate about it. I mean, you've been doing, you've been in sports your entire life, but I also think what you're saying is what a privilege to be able to share these stories and what a privilege to be able to know the people that you know, because what I really think is cool about where you come from is that every single person in sports has had to fail, had to overcome. You've had a crazy failure story that I want to get to.
Lisa (14:11):
Oh, not only have they had to fail, they've had to fail publicly.
Erin (14:15):
Yes.
Lisa (14:15):
That's what people don't realize about athletes and coaches is that if you and I got fired from our job, like our close friends and family would know. If an athlete or a coach gets fired from their job, it is on public national display. So I think the feeling that you get from failure, isn't any different if it's on between you or between like a national audience. So meaning like an athlete or a coach that has a massive failure, not only feels what we feel, but that feeling is exposed to basically the entire world.
Erin (14:56):
Yeah. Oh my God. I cannot imagine. And I know that you've had so many different types of clients that you've worked with. Let me ask one more fun fact, and then I want to get to your failed it! Resume because Lisa, we have some failing to do, sis. Okay. So who is one of your favorite athletes that you've met in person and why?
Lisa (15:22):
Oh gosh. There's so many. Oh, you're going to make me pick a favorite.
Erin (15:27):
One favorite or just like the most magical experience that you had with an athlete.
Lisa (15:33):
Oh gosh. Gosh, this is so hard. So I'll say this. On my podcast, the never lose your Cape podcast. I have the privilege of interviewing people. And how about I tell you, there are two people I'll give you a male and a female.
Erin (15:52):
Okay that's fair.
Lisa (15:52):
Number one is Bruce Bowen. And number two is Janae Gumackay. And the reason why I picked those two people is because they live in and there are many Michael Hoode. There are so many people that, that I'm blessed to, Lisa, Leslie, Layla. I leave my gosh one of my all time favorites, but those people whose names, I just mentioned carry a light inside of them that is unspeakable untaught. It is something that is in them. So deeply that just being around them, pushes their light onto you. And it is just amazing. Amazing.
Erin (16:34):
I love that. And that is it's truly, they're out there to be light workers to make people feel good. And they have a gift that they're given this athleticism, but they're using the gift that's built inside of them as well, which I think is super cool. Oh. And also what she just mentioned failed it! Fam is the never lose your Cape podcast. So Lisa also has herself a podcast. I want to talk about the evolution of the podcast right now. This is a good segue, Lisa. Okay. So you and I met this year, actually end of 2020, I think. But let's rewind to the beginning of your 2020, because your 2020 story is your failed it! Resume in my mind. I mean, I just so many things happen to you. Starting off with that, you found out you had a rare kidney disease. You have three young kids, so you're freaking out because you're in the middle of a move on top of this. What happens after this? You find out you have this disease you're moving and then what happens?
Lisa (17:48):
Yeah! So I was super pissed. I was so pissed about this kidney thing. First of all, I went to the ER, April 1st, 2020, that was the absolute peak of the pandemic. And I remember like being wheeled in. This was when you know, you couldn't even go into an emergency room. My husband put me in a wheelchair and just pushed me through the doors of the hospital. And I remember just saying, please put me by the broken bones, because this was when corona was so scary. But the work had many precautions had yet to wear masks anyways. So I go in, I have a kidney stone, no one in my family has ever even had a kidney stone. The next day I have like the first probably ever medical face time. Cause that wasn't done then. And this guy, you know, urologist tells me, oh, you have this rare kidney disease. And I was like, what are you talking about? He said you've had it, it is a chronic condition. So you've had it since you were born. No, like I said, no one in my family has ever even had a kidney stone. So I'm in full panic now because like all I ever wanted my whole life was to be a mom and I all I want, you know, I have this amazing grandmother. Who's 92 and is sharp as a tack. And that's what I want. I just want to live forever to take care of my kids and watch them grow up and watch them have kids. And their kids have kids just like my grandmother has done. And this put me into like full anxiety mode of something bad is going to happen to me. And then I was pissed because, you know, I played basketball in college. My husband is a CrossFit coach. I've lived off of a very healthy athlete diet for a decade. And now they tell me that most of the healthy things that I'm eating are detrimental to this disease. So spinach, raspberries, peanut butter beets, almonds, like pretty much a lot of healthy things that you would eat are make this kidney disease worse.
Erin (19:56):
That's crazy. And, and what, what is good? Tell us what is good, I mean, can you have French fries? Like what, where are we at here?
Lisa (20:03):
No potatoes. So the idea is that the foods that are high in oxalates are very bad for this disease and anything that's high in sodium is very bad for this disease. Also like nothing, no, I'm, I'm not a soda drinker, but I love a good seltzer water every now and then carbonated beverage is very bad for this disease. So what can I eat? Also very low protein is recommended and I just can't deal with that because this is the opposite of a healthy athlete diet. So I was very panicky, very freaking out. I changed my diet dramatically throughout the pandemic. And since then I've backed off a little bit and just taken out the big time, heavy hitter, high oxalate foods. And that seems to be more manageable, you know? Yeah. And I do have to get my kidneys checked. I get them checked every six months. And if I get, if they look bad, you know, in an ultrasound, I have to go and get my actual levels checked, which is actually this kind of pain in the butt, the 24 hour urine test thing. Um but it, it really made me, you know this was, I just turned 37. So I was like, I'm falling apart. And then we moved, we had a big move to a different state and then we were in a rental. So we move out of the rental to our home that we're in now. And then six days later and my husband and I have discussed this and he is open to me discussing this, a boundary that I had set with alcohol and my husband was crossed. And we basically had to separate from ourselves for a few weeks until we could get it back under control and he could rejoin the family. And you know, it's very, it's very pertinent in alcoholism and drug addiction that the family or the spouse or the partner of the person struggling has important boundaries because listen, you can't tell adults what to do.
Lisa (22:10):
You just can't, but you can set your own boundaries. This is from, you know, I did a lot of research. I was a part of a lot of Alanon meetings, which I didn't even know exist. Alanon is meetings for anyone that has a loved one with alcoholism or addiction problems. And they've been very helpful. I read some books. And so one of the big things is you have to set your own boundaries. And so now we're in October, no one is going to school because this is when no one went to school. So now I'm working full-time at ESPN. I have three little kids. So my son had just turned seven. My middle was four and the baby had just turned one. And they were with me 24/7 for a week straight. And honestly I said to my husband, like, I will do this for a year if that's what it takes, because it is important to me.
Lisa (23:07):
We've been together 19 years. I said, you know, I will always stand by you, but as long as you get help and he is an amazing person, you know, he, he upheld our arrangement. He came back, joined the family has been sober ever since. He has been sort of taking this new career path because he's a CrossFit coach and his gym was hit pretty hard by COVID. So he's actually going next month to get his EMT certification and then he'll go to paramedic school and then I'll hopefully get on a fire department. So, and he's 40. So like major props on him on a massive career change.
Erin (23:43):
I'm going to give him a little clap right now. Yeah. You deserve that.
Lisa (23:47):
So right after this, I hadn't had ankle pain for two years, but I really wanted to have our third baby. So when I was pregnant, I rested for a full year on my ankle and the pain was still there. And then I nursed for a year and the pandemic hit. So they weren't doing elect. Like I knew that I would need surgery on this ankle, but I was dragging because I was breastfeeding. I didn't want to stop breastfeeding. And then the pandemic hit, they weren't doing elective surgeries anyways. And then I noticed that there was this sort of the size of a quarter lump out on the inside of my ankle. And I knew that that hadn't been there before. And so I set up for a virtual appointment with the orthopedic surgeon in one of the top hospitals in Boston. And I met with his PA and I showed her and she was like, oh, that's so weird. It's probably like a cyst or something. You know, you can't really get tumors in like your ankles. And so then I had an MRI and long story short three weeks from when I met with the doctor, three weeks later, I was in surgery.
Lisa (24:54):
I had this rare condition called synovial chroma ptosis, which is actually tumors that live within joints. It's very, very uncommon. This, this surgeon is the chief a major hospital in Boston and he had never even heard of it. So he said, you know, I, I'm thinking that you have about 70 to a hundred little tumors in your ankle. We're going to go in, we're going to take them all out. I'm going to open you up completely so we can get this big tumor out because it was in. So that lump was a big tumor. It was in a dangerous spot of right next to an artery and a vein. So I had open surgery and arthroscopic surgery. And then that night he calls me and tells me there are actually thousands of tumors in there, which is kind of crazy. So, you know, I was happy that the surgery was done.
Lisa (25:41):
It's not easy to be on the couch without being able to walk with little kids, but I was ready to do what I had to do. Four days later, I am vomiting blood like crazy, and I'm going to the bathroom and it's just straight blood. And I was like, what the hell is happening? And for anyone that's ever had surgery, they give you a packet when you leave the hospital. And it says, if you have any of these symptoms call the on-call doctor immediately. So I did, and my mom is also a nurse and she's an amazing nurse. And she has taught me many times, like bleeding from places that you shouldn't be bleeding from is a major.
Erin (26:25):
You don't need the packet to tell you that mom.
Lisa (26:30):
Any of that, not normal. So I called the on-call doctor was like 11 o'clock at night. And he was like, well, does your ankle hurt? And I said, you know, my I'm cast at this point. And I was like, you know, I can't really feel it. It doesn't hurt. He said, I don't think it has to do with your ankle, but if you're consistently throwing up blood and you're going to the bathroom and it's just straight blood, like go to the emergency room. So then I go to the emergency room and at this point I'm vomiting. Like I, I get into the emergency room, I'm in a wheelchair again because I can't freaking walk and I'm vomiting so much at this point and they're cutting my clothes off. They're hooking me up to all this stuff because, you know, they wanna make sure I'm not having a heart attack. They don't know what's happening. And I go to the ER, you know, when you go to the ER, you go with the intention of like, something's happening, I'm going to come home.
Lisa (27:14):
So I just had my clothes on my back and my cell phone that was it. And, and they said like, you're having like this something bad. So we have to admit you. I ended up staying in the hospital for five days. I was so pissed.
Erin (27:29):
And that's in the middle of the pandemic.
Lisa (27:31):
And it was also right before Christmas.
Erin (27:34):
Oh my God. With three children, one of which you just turn, just turned one.
Lisa (27:39):
And what was breaking my heart is that they went to bed and woke up the next morning and I was gone and I hadn't come back. And that was breaking me. And this has pandemic. So no one can visit you. You can't see anybody. Also because I was vomiting so much, it was no food, no drink, no walking for five straight days. I honestly, I, I sympathize with anybody that has to be in the hospital because like, those were some of the worst five days of my life, because it was such a dark place. I ended up long story short. It ended up being this freak thing called colitis, which they honestly can't tell you what causes it or why. And I'm very young for it, which again, so now this is the third thing that's happened to me. That was like, oh, this is really rare. And you're really young for it. So I was like great, and I finally come home right before Christmas. I'm still in the cast. And yeah, I was just like, it was so close to the end of 2020. Really? Really? Holiday hospital stay.
Erin (28:47):
Overachiever, perfectionist career minded, focused. Did those words resonate with you since Erin you're recovering perfectionist turned failfluencer here. And I want to give a shout out to all my type a leaders out there who are failing it left and right in this quote, unquote, new normal, too. Ew, those words are gross, but they are unfortunately true. So that's why myself and team have decided to celebrate F words at work. That's right. We at improve it, our throwing a F word party. That's F as in Frank, and we can bring that party to you and your team. Now our newest virtual offering F words at work is a virtual keynote delivered by yours truly. You need a way to engage 50 plus or hundreds of your team members via zoom? Our one hour F words at work keynote will do just that. Now, unlike our workshops, where we are in and out of breakout rooms, this keynote is a way to appeal to the masses. I don't want you to worry because it is still uber interactive and the F words may not be what you think. So with the notion that failure, plus the frequency of failure equals the fundamentals of success, I'll take you and all of the other recovering perfectionist of your organization on a virtual journey filled with laughs, learning and levity. Reach out to us at learntoimproveit.com on our contact us page to learn more. And I cannot wait to drop some F-bombs with you.
Erin (30:35):
So all of this is going on, right? This is all happening. Your husband is back home now. So he is back home while you, so luckily he's back, you're in the hospital in and out multiple times, multiple health scares. What can let's talk emotionally really quick too, because during this time, were you still at ESPN? Were you at one team? What, tell us about that too.
Lisa (30:59):
Yes, I was still with ESPN. But I was in I knew that I was leaving January 8th. That was my last day at ESPN. And I knew like, so I had planned on the month of December, like really getting my stuff together and figuring out my next move and this like crushed my December. And my husband is a CrossFit coach, so he leaves at four 30 in the morning. So my mom and my sister, thank God for them, were trading off, coming to my house at like four 30 in the morning.
Erin (31:32):
Thank God family is close. Thank God.
Lisa (31:36):
Right, and she, and that's one of the reasons why we moved and look, my husband you know, he definitely like the people listening are gonna say, why didn't you just take the day off? He did take many days off, but it's very different in his world. You know, if you don't go teach, you don't get paid. And there wasn't, there was a lot going on with me in December. He had taken a lot of time off. So my mother and my sister were, and my sister who is a big executive at Comcast and has two kids of her own, you know, my mom is the, was the head at the time of the MNA, which is in full throttle because the pandemic. There was a time where my mom was on the news. You know, talking about, we need help for our nurses, you know, every other week. And so it's not like these two human beings that are rescuing us aren't busy.
Erin (32:23):
Oh my God. I mean, emotionally, physically, mentally, you went through so many things this past year. And I, now I we've talked, you're coming out on top, but all of this sort of cumulated and helped you decide that you wanted to start your own podcast, which you mentioned earlier called never lose your Cape. So tell us how all of this formulated into this never lose your cape moment.
Lisa (32:53):
Yeah. So look, when I found out that I would be leaving ESPN, it rocked me, it rocked me and to the point where like, I couldn't even have conversations with the people that were closest to me because I felt so much shame, so much embarrassment, so much failure that is incorrect. And I knew in my brain that it was incorrect, those feelings, but I couldn't help myself from feeling that way. And finally, I had people are texting me saying like, oh, you know, I want to talk. And, and Janae, who's a great friend of mine had said, you know, she had kept calling me and she's like, that's fine. When you're ready to answer you'll answer. And I finally answered one day and I told her, you know, everything that I've done in my life, I felt like I could handle, you know, when I was a kid and you can I'm hopefully going to write a book someday also called never lose your Cape. And that was, that was the reason for launching the podcast as well. But when I was a kid, you know, my parents got divorced when I was in high school. I struggled with ADD, like, all these things came up and I always felt like, it's fine. You strap up, you put your Cape on and you get shit done. And that's how I've always felt with everything. And, you know, kidney disease wall over a bit, strap up, put your Cape on, go. And this blew my soul. And it was like the last straw. And I was talking to my friend and I said, I feel like I have completely lost my Cape. I feel like I can't stand anymore. And she said to me, you know, Lise, if you can't find your Cape, you borrow mine until yours comes back because I have my Cape because you helped me build mine. So if you can't find yours right now, you've borrowed mine until yours comes back. And then that's when I realized you never can lose your Cape no matter what happens to you. You know, the great, amazing Stuart. Scott said, you get up and you fight every day. And when you feel like you can't fight that day, you pause and you let others fight for you until you can fight again. And that's what never lose your Cape is it's the, it's the mentality of that in your soul every day that you choose to fight and asking someone to fight for you is within that choice leads you to the place of that. You can never lose your Cape.
Erin (35:29):
Lisa Stokes. I need tissues in my podcast closet. Oh my God. That is so.
Lisa (35:39):
I want to say something like, I think that many people are born with capes. I will say this and say, women, their capes are just a little bit thicker and a little bit longer. That is in our soul. There is a problem. Okay, let's talk about it. Let's address it. And let's figure out a way to tap.
Erin (36:04):
I love it so much. And I'm gonna, I want to segue this into what this show is all about, which is taking as you know, the rule of improv comedy there are no mistakes, only gifts. And we look at these things, these fails that we call fails in the moment. And we look at them as lessons. And we say, this doesn't happen to this to me. This is happening for me. We bring it in the scene on stage. And so really the show is taking the things that life throws our way and reversing them and showing others that they aren't alone. And that the Cape that may fall off from time to time can be upheld by somebody else. I love it so much.
Lisa (36:41):
And I love this podcast. I think that it is absolutely astronomical that we do not talk about failure more because it is so important in life. So important. Yes. I don't think we teach our children enough about failure. I don't think we talk enough about failure. I don't think it, it sort of has this weird stick to them. You and I have talked about infertility, which I struggled with as well. It has that weird stigma. Like infertility is no one's fault. Sometimes failure isn't your own fault. But in talking about it, it also gives it less power.
Erin (37:18):
That's it. And what you said today, too, about the shame you felt with ESPN. I know there are people in the failed it! Family listening today. We've all felt shame. There's there has been moments in our life where we feel like, oh my gosh, why is this happening? But there is always something that can come from it by sharing those stories. And that's what Lisa's podcast is about. That's what she's about. And this is how we connected is through failure.
Lisa (37:49):
And perseverance!
Erin (37:49):
Yes, yes.
Lisa (37:51):
Failure is not for the weak at heart. It's not, you have to own your failures in persevere through it because they allow you to grow percent.
Erin (38:05):
And I, that's why I relate to you so much. And we've become friends is because we're just, I really grabbed you. And I both said before the show, first of all, you have a light, you share that light with others, but also you're just real. And that's an authentic, and I hate that buzzword, but it's so true. You're just real. And that's what I feel like we as women, we as leaders, we, as people need to teach, not only our children, but teach others that are in our peer group, that the more share, the more we make other people feel less alone and the better, I mean, I feel better talking about the things that you and I've talked about before, because we can relate to each other. And I know by you sharing this story today, someone is going to listen to it and they're going to feel less alone, even if it's one person because you shared it. I'm giving some snaps, I'm giving some, okay, let me ask you a fun question. What would you do? Even if you knew you might fail?
Lisa (39:06):
If I might fail? Gosh. Well, what I would do if I wouldn't feel is write a book, which I'm trying to do, which by the way I fail at every day, because every day I say, I'm just going to write three sentences. Haven't done it in months and that's okay. What would I do if I knew I could feel, gosh, you know, we're not at the place right now, but I'd love to, you know, foster to adopt other children. I know this is bananas and I have a full-time job and I teach four graduate classes and I don't have a minute to myself, but I am just so infatuated by children. I just, I love them to death, even though my own make me absolutely insane. Like, I feel that my purpose is to affect others in a positive way. And that's why I loved coaching. I mean, some like talk about things that feed your soul. I mean, coaching to me, I mean, I played basketball in college and playing like feeds my soul, but coaching it, it just allows you to not only work in the game that you love, but to really shape young people any way. Every one of us that there are adults has people when they were kids that really affected them in a positive way. And I just love the thought of being that for others.
Erin (40:33):
And I, I can see it. We FaceTimed and zoomed. That's how we know each other. We've never actually met in person, but I've watched you with your kids and you can tell you just light up. And I know so many children out there would be so lucky. So I think you got to pursue that. Write a few sentences the day, and then pursue it.
Lisa (40:49):
Maybe someday we'll have to talk Mr. Stokes into that.
Erin (40:52):
Mr. Stokes, we'll have him on the show next. I will say one more interview have and see what he thinks. Okay. Just kidding. All right. Well now Lisa, you have made it to the final round. You know what it is? It's the failure lightning round. If you listen to the show, you know, it's comin', there's a little bit of improv, a little bit of thinking quickly on your feet. So Lisa, I'm going to ask you a series of questions and I want you to respond with just a one word answer. Here it is. And know that if you say more than one word, I'm going to give you the creepy old fail. Yeah. If you don't, then you're going to, you're going to nail it. Not fail it, but if you fail it that's even better because that's part of the show. All right. So are you ready for the failure lightning round? Lisa Stokes?
Lisa (41:36):
Heck yeah.
Erin (41:37):
Let's go. Okay. One word to describe your early career.
Lisa (41:42):
Hustle.
Erin (41:43):
One word to describe where you're currently at in your career.
Lisa (41:47):
Grinding.
Erin (41:48):
One word to describe your future self.
Lisa (41:52):
Relax, that's hopeful thinking.
Erin (41:57):
I know I hope I say prayers too. Okay. One word to describe your favorite boss.
Lisa (42:02):
Oh, extraordinary.
Erin (42:07):
Oh, I thought it was oh, okay. All right. I thought it was but okay.
Lisa (42:12):
No, I, I knew that sound because the person I'm thinking of is just, there are thousands of words that I can describe as human beings and.
Erin (42:20):
I'm going to let the us like, cause it's technically two words, but I feel like that was a moment we needed to think about that person. So I'm gonna, I'm not gonna fail you, but yes, I love that extraordinary. Let's let one word to describe your least favorite boss.
Lisa (42:34):
Disappointing.
Erin (42:36):
One word to describe your podcasting style.
Lisa (42:40):
Eccentric.
Erin (42:41):
Ooh. One word to describe your parenting style.
Lisa (42:45):
Crazy.
Erin (42:47):
And one word to describe this interview.
Lisa (42:51):
I already said extraordinary. So I'm not going to say that again.
Erin (43:01):
Fail yeah Lisa, fail yeah!
Lisa (43:01):
Blissful.
Erin (43:01):
Yes! Oh my gosh.
Lisa (43:03):
Can I say one thing before we leave? Yes, of course. You know, this podcast reminds me so much of first John one nine. And if you don't read scripture, that's okay, but I want you to just hang with me because that verse says that every act of acknowledging failure is simultaneously a chance to experience all over again, the love and the generosity in the grace of God.
Erin (43:35):
Oh my God. Okay. I have tears. This is the second time. And I really mean that. Oh my God.
Lisa (43:40):
So I think if we all stop looking at our failures as failures and look at it as this amazing opportunity to experience the love and the generosity and the grace of God over and over again, like we're lucky to fail if you look at it that way, because we have this unbelievable chance to build ourself up even better than before.
Erin (44:08):
And that's what 2020 did for you. Ms. Lisa Stokes.
Lisa (44:13):
And I will say, look, I'm very sunny and positive. Now there were many days in 2020 that I couldn't even get out of bed, which I had to because I had three little kids. But when you feel that way, like absolutely hopeless. There were days where I felt like all I do right now is pray. Then just do that. If you say, all I can do right now is brush my teeth. Then just do that. But we are so hard on ourselves and sometimes just sitting quietly and meditating or praying is all we can do. So do it. And don't feel bad about it.
Erin (44:50):
There was like a beautiful interlude right there from your computer. It was like the very end of that sentence. It's like, like a children's special show, but I, I have so much gratitude for you. I'm so grateful you were in my life. I want the failed at fam to bring you into there, to tell them how you can, how they can find you.
Lisa (45:10):
Oh, I love you all so much. I'm so thankful for Erin. She, I said at the beginning of the interview that I was so glad to talk to her because she just brings me so much joy. And it's rainy here today and I could use a little joy spike. You can find me on Instagram at, at LisaAStokes. I would love for you even more to listen to the podcast, at never lose your Cape. Wherever you listen to your podcast search never lose your Cape and listen to some incredible stories about perseverance. I will say the podcast has very little to do with me. This is about giving others, their platform for their incredible stories of things in their lives that they had to persevere through and to give people some real hope. So I would love for you all to listen.
Erin (45:53):
We will tag all of those things in the show notes, check it out, never lose your Cape. Lisa, thank you for being here. And I feel the same about you. You are a guiding light. You're a constant reminder to me that we can do hard things. And you have shown the failed it! Fam here today. It's not the failures that define us, but what we do with those failures that does. So I just want to say never lose your Cape girl. And thank you. I will. I will give you mine always. Okay. Always.
Lisa (46:25):
I'll send it right back to you lady. I love you. Thank you so much.
Erin (46:28):
I love you too. To the failed of fam failure. Fail. Yeah. Hey friends, thanks for tuning into failed it. I am so happy you were along for the ride. If you enjoyed this show, please head on over to iTunes, leave us a five star review and subscribe to the show. So you never miss an episode. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Now, if you're really feeling today's show, please take a screenshot and tag me on Instagram at keepinitealdiehl and share it to your stories so we can bring more people to the failed it! Family. I'll see you next week, but I want to leave you with this thought, what will you fail at today and how will that help your future successful self? Think about it. I'm so proud of you and you are totally failing it. See you next time.