Episode 88: How to Turn Micro Aggressions into Micro Expressions - Purpose Driven Leadership with Audrey Cavenecia
Are you looking to grow to be a purpose-driven leader and hold yourself accountable in 2022?
If so, today's episode is for you. Today, we have an amazing guest that will help you grow into the leader you’re meant to be in this new year.
Audrey Cavenecia is the Chief Content Officer and co-produce and co-host (alongside NFL Coach, Pete Carroll) for the Amplify Voices podcast. Not only that, she’s also the host of the Unlikely podcast which focuses on leadership development. A talented storyteller and visionary systems thinker, Audrey has decades of experience in leadership development, entertainment production, and content marketing with a focus on championing humanity in all people.
She has worked alongside some of the most influential leaders in the world—including speaker and author Tony Robbins and Oracle founder Larry Ellison—to develop and empower new visionaries as well as build major brands through stories and insights around authentic human connection. No matter the sector, she continues to build bridges between what is and what can be, with storytelling as the scaffolding.
In today’s episode, we're discussing:
How you can show up purposefully, not only for yourself – but for your team,
How to turn micro aggressions into micro expressions
decisiveness versus choices - and choosing who you are going to be in the face of crisis or circumstances that are beyond your control
Grab your notebook, this one has some juicy nuggets! Enjoy and don’t forget to leave us a review!
Show Links:
Connect with Audrey Cavencia:
Connect with Erin Diehl:
Erin Diehl is the founder and Chief “Yes, And” officer of improve it! and host of the improve it! Podcast. She’s a performer, facilitator and professional risk-taker who lives by the mantra, “get comfortable with the uncomfortable.” Through a series of unrelated dares, Erin has created improve it!, a unique professional development company that pushes others to laugh, learn and grow. Her work with clients such as United Airlines, PepsiCo, Groupon, Deloitte, Motorola, Walgreens, and The Obama Foundation earned her the 2014 Chicago RedEye Big Idea Award and has nominated her for the 2015-2019 Chicago Innovations Award.
This graduate from Clemson University is a former experiential marketing and recruiting professional as well as a veteran improviser from the top improvisational training programs in Chicago, including The Second City, i.O. Theater, and The Annoyance Theatre.
When she is not playing pretend or facilitating, she enjoys running and beach dates with her husband and son, and their eight-pound toy poodle, BIGG Diehl.
You can follow the failed it! podcast on Instagram @learntoimproveit and facebook, and you can follow Erin personally on Instagram @keepinitrealdiehl here. You can also check out improve it! and how we can help your organization at www.learntoimproveit.com. We can’t wait to connect with you online!
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If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing this podcast! This helps Erin support more people – just like you – move toward the leader you want to be. Click here, click listen on Apple Podcasts, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with 5 stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let Erin know what you loved most about the episode! Also, if you haven’t done so already, subscribe to the podcast. That way you won’t miss any juicy episodes! Thanks in advance, improve it! Fam :)
Episode 88 Transcription
Erin (00:00):
Oh, my gosh. Improve it! Fam, you are in for such a treat. I am so excited to introduce you to today's guest Audrey Cavenecia. Oh my gosh. Audrey blew my mind. And it was one of those conversations where I had questions prepared. I was gonna go in and ask very specific things. And we just talked. We just went off script, which is what improv is all about. We had a real grounding conversation. She tells you in this episode all about her theater background, which is so cool and how she brings that into play and the work she's doing today the talking points about microaggressions and turning those into micro expressions will leave you speechless. We're gonna talk about decisiveness versus choices and choosing who you are going to be in the face of crisis and circumstances that are beyond our control. As a leader, we're gonna talk about just how to be purpose driven leaders and how to very specifically create your year ahead and how to hold yourself accountable in 2022, it's a new year, a new beginning, and we're starting out strong.
Erin (01:19):
She's gonna give you some very tangible tips that will make her, I recap for you at the end, but let me tell you a little bit about Audrey. She's the chief content officer, the co-producer for amplify voices. The co-host alongside NFL coach Pete car for the amplify voices podcast. And she's the host of the unlikely podcast on leadership. She is a talented storytelling. I could have talked to her for hours, and she's also a visionary systems thinker. She has decades of experience in leadership development, entertainment, production, and content marketing with a focus on championing humanity in all people. And that comes through on the show today, she's hosting a new podcast series dedicated to heart leadership, and that is called unlikely. It's a series of thoughtfully curated discussions with global experts on being a modern leader. And these uncertain times she's worked alongside some of the most influential leaders in the world, including speaker and author, Tony Robbins and Oracle founder, Larry Ellison, to develop an how new visionaries as well as build major brands through stories and insights around authentic human connection.
Erin (02:32):
No matter the sector, she continues to build bridges between what is and what can be with storytelling as the scaffolding. She is truly a fantastic guest. I cannot for you to hear this interview. Let's get into it, improve it fam, here we go with Audrey. Are you a leader or change maker inside of your business organization or corporation? Are you looking for new innovative ways to drive morale through the roof? Are you looking for fun and exciting icebreakers team building exercises and activities that will foster team growth, friendships, loyalty, and completely transform your organization from the inside out. Have you been searching for a fun and you unique way to create change instead of the same old dry, boring leadership books and nice breakers that aren't actually working. Hi I'm Erin Diehl, business improv, entertainer failfluencer. And professional zoombie who is ready to help you improve it. My mission in life is to you develop teams and leaders through play improv and experiential learning. In this podcast, we will deep dive into professional development team building effective communication, networking, presentation, skills, leadership training, how to think more quickly on your feet and everything in between. We have everyone from fortune 500 companies to small mom and pop shops transform their business, their leadership and their people through play. So grab your chicken hat. We are about to have some fun, welcome to improve it! The podcast.
Erin (04:26):
Okay. Improve it fam. I am so excited. We have the most amazing guest here with us today. Audrey, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for being here, coming on the show. We're gonna have a good conversation. I feel the vibes. I feel all the good things.
Audrey (04:45):
Yep. Hey Erin.
Erin (04:47):
Hello. Hello. And you are in Seattle coming to us from Seattle. That's right. Live in dreams. So let me ask you this. We gave the improve it audience a little background before we hit record about who you are, what you do, how you're bringing so much light and love to the world. But what is a fun fact about you that we couldn't find from, let's say your bio, your LinkedIn profile, your website, all of those things. What's a fun fact about Audrey?
Audrey (05:19):
I think one of the things that I don't think that plays such a huge part of my life is my background in theater. <Laugh>
Erin (05:28):
Right. Show. OK.
Audrey (05:30):
So I started off in the arts and I never thought at any point as a young girl, that I'd be doing anything other than that. And in my early twenties, being a young mother, I had, I took a course on personal development and it just blew me away. It sort of brought in all of the elements of what I found. So exploratory and expansive and surrendering of what I found in theater and the ability to create in the moment and all of those things. But it had a profound impact of having a reach right into somebody's humanity and expanding their, their worldview, being able for them to heal something or, or let go of something that had been constraining them. And I thought, oh, I don't know world, but I'm intrigued. And then I went and stepped into the personal development world for a really long time and worked with people like Tony Robbins and, and trained hundred thousand people over the world.
Audrey (06:27):
I mean, it was like a really big deal. And then I had this insight a number of years ago where I thought just kind of the same way that Reese's peanut butter cups gets created. What if we put peanut butter and chocolate together, what would that bring? And so so I thought, what if I brought all my storytelling, all of my ability to be able to live in that creative realm of touch points of humanity, and then combined it with this training and executive and leadership training and development. And when I brought the two together, it just something in my mind hit. And I thought, you know, one of the biggest breakdowns that we have as leaders is our ability to convey what's in our soul and our true to convey it in the world in a way where it's not missed understood.
Audrey (07:19):
And not only is it not misunderstood and skewed, but it exists beyond us that as you scale, something that people can live inside of your vision can live inside of your sole purpose and say, it's not just about you. You've opened up for me to see something about me and, and that became so intriguing. So that's why I opened up an, an agency and afterwards had been just working with one person after the other to really, to really scale purpose. So I am a, a very, very unique hybrid in a very specialized skill of business meets entertainment for storytelling.
Erin (07:58):
You really are. I mean, this is fascinating. Okay. Wait, so you have, you have within the theater realm used improv as part of the, the work that you've done, which is fantastic. And that's tell me a little and Erin. Yes. And yes. Yes. So just a little bit about that. You cause the, the, what you just mentioned first and foremost is honestly what I love about improv. We use improv specifically, but theater as an art form, it, it allows people to play, to learn, to step outside of their normal day to day, to be somebody else for a minute to put it's the actual word, empathy comes to mind because you are literally putting yourself in somebody else's shoes to understand how to connect, how to, how do you have conversations that may be difficult to have those moments of actual leading and coaching and mentoring, because you're able to see it through somebody else's eyes. So tell me about just some of the work you've done in improv, which is not, not where I thought we were gonna go right now, but I'm loving this. So let's go there. Tell me some of that.
Audrey (09:12):
Well, here's, what's interesting. So I have, I have an extensive amount of training in theater in performance arts and I've toured theatrically and within musicals and all that stuff happened back in the day. So every aspect of theater training, that one goes through with breath, work and body work and, and mirroring and improv, and anything that you could think of, that's all the regular training that we get, you know, in order to do that. But in terms of what I think is really valuable for the audience that you have in, in the corporate arena and taking this on and developing managers, and especially right now where one of the most important things that we can be is to be adaptable because there is a tremendous, huge, massive change happening. And not in one arena in so many areas, it's almost hard to keep up with how much change.
Audrey (10:04):
So the ability right now for managers and leaders and with our teams to be adaptable is something that it, it's not a matter of having storytelling and entertainment and all of that, as something outside like adjunct or addendum to it, it's something you have to wholeheartedly embrace. And I, I'm gonna say two things about it, which I think are really important of you bringing this up, which was, and to a point that you just made, which is one is play. Yeah. And there's there's has been this paradigm that we've been, and especially in the corporate world, but just the professional work period where we've had this narrative that we've lived inside of, and we've developed ourself inside of which is, you know, this is your professional life, leave your personal life outside. And you know what, that's not the way human beings are designed.
Audrey (10:58):
What we're essentially saying to the people around us professionally, is I want you to do your best. I want you to give your best. I want you to be productive. I want you to be innovative. I want you to be self generative, but I want you to do it with both your legs tied up and, and your hands tied behind your yeah. Yeah. Because that's what you're doing. When you ask people to be only part of themselves as a whole organic being, there's no com compartmentalizing that exists for us. This plants can't grow inside of the same shape box. You have to adjust the box along with the roots.
Erin (11:38):
Yes. Adjust the box with all the roots, writing that
Audrey (11:41):
Down. That's right. And it's, and it's also not just the soil. It's also just not the roots. It's also just not the container. It's also the ecosystem around it. So you have to think that when we tell our people be professional at work and then take that other stuff out there, don't pry here. Don't, don't be dramatic. Don't have any kinda inappropriate, like all I'm not saying, you know, things that are obviously illegal. I'm not telling you that, but to where we can bring our humanity and have it be a strength, then you are literally saying, I want you to gimme the results of a growing, developing powerhouse, but I'm not gonna give you the ability to operate from that place. Yes. And I think that the reason why you're bringing a play is so important is there's this really great her name's Esther, there's a great psychologist or psychiatrist.
Audrey (12:35):
And she talks about how I think it's her husband that is a specialist in terms of crisis when people come from true crisis and go through a healing process in which to return themselves. And and, and they ask him, how do you know when someone has, what is your, your marker, what's your register? And he said, when they can play again, because when you're damaged, when you're suppressed as a human being, what you lose is that ability to play mm-hmm <affirmative>. And so think about that. Think about his kids, be quiet, don't play, you know, don't do that. We're not, you're not supposed to be that don't talk too loud, don't anything. And then you get to professional life and then you further instill it in. You don't play here. Yeah. So people think in business, oh, if you're playing, you're not working. And again, you're bringing this siloed, compartmentalized non-organic suppressive narrative to what it is to be professional.
Audrey (13:39):
And the other thing that I just wanna highlight in terms of how improv and entertainment and all of that has lent its storytelling has lent itself. Powerfully is another narrative that we have to really dispel and, and break apart and disrupt going forward is the one of about fake it till you make it. And leaders can't show any weaknesses. Listen, in theater, we don't teach people to pretend. We actually teach you and develop you to find something true within your true self that connects with that character and then fully be yourself inside of that character. This is why you find with the big celebrities. And when you read those articles that they say, wow, I was, I was the serial killer, and I couldn't find any connection. I would never do anything like that. But I found something in myself. Maybe it was, I would do that if, if somebody had my child or I would do that.
Audrey (14:35):
If somebody had brutally, the way that this lived, I put myself inside there. And the people that awards in their performances are the people that surrendered to the humanity and that, and nuanced that found even redeeming characteristics in the most tragic of situations. Otherwise it's boring. Somebody playing a bad person is boring. Yeah. Somebody playing a nice person is boring. Nice people have things that they're suppressing this background in a story like my mom was always me and therefore I made this decision. I'm not gonna be that way. I'm always gonna be nice. Now I'm trapped being, I can't being's, that's a, and that's humanity and that's so it's as leaders. When we talk about authenticity, when we talk about unleashing your inner, that you have to truly allow an organism to be whole complete and perfect in all of its imperfectness. And, and that's my bridge between entertainment and professional
Erin (15:45):
Life. Hey, I'm crossing the bridge. Okay. I'm gonna cross it again. <Laugh> I'm gonna, I'm not gonna be the troll that lives under it, but I'm gonna be like, yes. <Laugh> yes, I OK. First and foremost, you just summed up in probably six minutes. My entire life's work and the work that we do here, I love that. It's so true. Play is the way like that play is truly what allows us feel connected. It allows us to feel like we are actually able to be one with other human beings, which, which we're higher wired to do. We just had a, a guest on this show who was fascinating. She's a neurobiologist. She studies epigenetics, okay. At work, fascinating woman. And she talked about when we feel as though we cannot be ourselves, when we feel like we are shut down, which is the opposite of yesy.
Erin (16:40):
And when we feel like we aren't being heard our ideas aren't we aren't being valued. We aren't belonging. That's actually physical injury to the brain. And that idea combined with is this notion of play is, is literally just what makes human beings want to show up at work. If we feel like we are being heard, if we feel like we're belonging, if we feel like we can let those layers of ourself be shown, we're gonna wanna show up, which obviously leads to more productivity, which means to more, you know, empathy and, and inclusion and people really wanting to do the work that they were hired to do versus all the stuff that goes around the work that we're doing, right? This, this extra layer of things that we don't need, which I, you are so fascinating to me. I mean, you're the guest, you're the guest. You're, you're our, but you're the co-host amplify.
Audrey (17:38):
You're the
Erin (17:38):
Guest. But I feel
Audrey (17:39):
Like I'm like,
Erin (17:41):
I've learning so much. I'm like, I'm on her show. No, this is so fun. And I feel like you've been just an amazing person to watch since I found out about you. I've just done a ton of research. I mean, you have interviewed so many amazing people from tri Bryant to Rachel mad out to Abby, WABE Glen and joy. You've worked with Tony Robbins. So tell me this. And this is just another fun thing I personally wanna know. And I'm sure audience, I wanna know who is one of the most interesting people you've ever interviewed and why.
Audrey (18:17):
OK. You know, there's a lot of there. There's a, and I have the same thing when people say, what is your favorite film, or what is your favorite type of music? I'm like, that's not how I function. Sometimes I'm in a mood and I want this. Or sometimes I grow through something in now or something. My son introduces me to music that I never would've been ordinary listened to. And it expands my view. And so I I love this saying that says, if you want to be an interesting person and be in people. Yeah. And so one of the things that inevitably happens and, and which is really important to me on, on my podcast, but also in meetings and, and all of it is, is that we break past the line of questions and we just get to be together. So like in the, in the podcast with Pete called conversations from the heart, we start off our podcast with, so what's on your heart.
Audrey (19:16):
Mm. And, you know, they, especially the Rachel Maddows and the Neil Degrass Tysons, and all of them, they come ready to like, I'm gonna answer his questions. And it was funny. Cause we said it, Glen, Glen was like, what me a minute, because nobody asked me that question. I need to actually check in, in my heart and find out what was there. And it opened up this cornucopia of something. She was not anticipating to say. And, and as we were going through it, I said, you know, that's the really powerful part. Not that there's anything wrong with preparing, not that there's anything wrong with the standard questions, but again, to bring it to the professional world, it's how we conduct our interviews too. That when we're hiring people, are you asking them a line of questions that you got from that YouTube video or from your 20 years of experience, or are you with that human being and finding about their whole world, not just their work, but their, but what they're passionate about and what they do in their own time.
Audrey (20:09):
And when they look at something, what do they see that other people don't see, this is where again, you get that whole person. So I think every interview that we've done because of that has been so interesting and intriguing. Like I love that Neil Degras Tyson is probably one of those scientists who is everywhere. I mean, when I looked him, I knew who he was, but I'm like colleges and comedy shows. And like, I I'm like, dude, you are, especially as in the realm of science, you are everywhere. I see you in everything. And, and yet when we had a conversation with him, he wound up and about the pivotal moment that he had this insight around being black and in science and how he didn't know if he wanted to make the choice to have that responsibility, to be somebody who spoken behalf and, and the decisions that he made along the way to, to be seen as what he sees in the universe, as opposed to just being seen as a color.
Audrey (21:10):
It was like this whole world that opened up at the end, he just goes, well, thank you for asking that question. Cause I, I don't talk about that. And, and I, and I think that's again, where we go, you know, how do we show up the same is because people are asking us the same questions. Yeah. Oh my God. Yes, yes. And how can we show up differently? And, and you know, a, another thing that I think is really important as you started, you started talking about how important it's to be with people and let them be themselves at work. And it's so much of what your work deals with. And I'll tell you that as an executive, who has my kind of four is truly challenging projects that have a profound impact. So you'll see me anywhere from launching a billionaires island to turn around an entire ecosystem and making it successful to then going into a biotech company, that's out to democratize the clinical trial process.
Audrey (22:03):
And then, you know, having that be a startup that now is public in like, so, and now being with Pete car, I don't know anything about football and we're not doing anything that has to do with football, but we're amplifying voices and building a content library and, and a, an example of people that are being, and expressing themselves in the ways that we need to look at leadership and being together as human beings and being a collective global neighbors going forward, not, and not in the realm of right and wrong and what, what those beliefs are, but in the realm of workability, in the realm of that, we do have a connection to one another. And so as an executive, I do understand this dilemma, which is yeah, Audrey or Erin. I'd love to have all those conversations with people. I would love to spend time in finding out who people are.
Audrey (22:49):
Don't have time for that. I don't have time for that. I'm gonna tell you something, I'm gonna tell you something that's really important. Those of you that are listening and its reminder to. And I too, cause I always tell people when I'm I'm cause we're and it's, you're the, it's not whether or not you have time to have the conversation to get connected to people. It's how can I have a connected conversation with people that doesn't take a lot of time? Yeah. It's all about understanding how our physiological nature works. And you gotta ask your it's like a computer gotta put in the right input to get the right data coming out to get the right output. So it's not looking at your schedule and saying, I don't have time. It's like, okay, how do I get connected? And I'll tell you, it's like the same saying of how do eat, eat an elephant one bite at a time.
Audrey (23:47):
It's the same thing. How do you get connected with people? It's not sitting down for two hours and talking to them, it's not just having these beer, weekends and potlucks and all of that. Those things are wonderful, but how you get connected to people is in small momentary, it's disrupting, I'll give you an example. I had a and when I came on board with Pete to launch this company, we did launch at the beginning of this year. And so part of me and this happens with a lot of people that have been in the industry for a long time, which is they have the same lawyer and the same accountant they've been working with for 30 years. So that person knows so much history and is so enmeshed in the culture of dealing with that highly influential person. And so I've experienced that a lot.
Audrey (24:36):
And so to be an outsider and not just an outsider, but an outsider, who's actually having the ship go a different direction, takes a bit of a plum it to say it lightly. Right? So as an example, I'm, I'm on a call with one of his legal people. And and we've, haven't been in person cause of the pandemic, you know, meet anybody in person. So we're, we're just on a blind call the first time ever. And we're dealing with a kind of challenging situation. I'm giving my info. It, he gives us legal input. I give my input, he gives us legal input. And then I had this tinge. So talk about epigenetics and the history of where we come from. We have reactions to certain things. We get triggered and, and we don't always know where it comes from. And some of it, we do, we've done enough work that we do know where it comes from, but I got a little bit and the trigger was that I experience being invalidated.
Audrey (25:28):
So what comes up for me don't, you know who I am, <laugh>, you know, that kinda quality I'll, I'll prove to you who I am, and I know what I'm talking about. So I wasn't inappropriate, but a bit of an came out and I was like, well, I've done da, da. And so I think this is the best way he goes. Oh, okay. All right. Well, if that's gonna be your decision, I got it. I gave you my input, not a bad, it was no big deal, but I felt it because I was very aware of that intimacy. So I hang up the phone with him and I had a thought I'm I I'm now got two minutes to my next meeting. It's seven meetings in a row. And the whole thing, I had this really simple, intuitive thought. And I was like, that was not something I wanna do to get connected to that person.
Audrey (26:16):
And so I thought I'm gonna send him an email. And I was like, no, you have to be, you're a woman in the executive thing. You gotta prove your, and I was like, be quiet, <laugh> be quiet. All that nonsense. I'm gonna do the human thing. And I just sent up a really quick, took me like all of seven seconds sent a really quick email. And I was like, oh, so, and so I just didn't know if you noticed, but I got a little edgy. It's not what I intended. I felt I had to defend myself. I didn't need to do that. I want you to know that's not what I believe. And it's not what I stand for. I stand for honoring who you are and all the years that you've given in your profession and what you've brought to Pete. And I just, you know that, and I didn't wanna step over that.
Audrey (26:56):
He sent and immediate messages. I was on the next call and was like, I, you, I didn't think it was a big deal, but the fact that you said that means everything to me, and this is a, in his sixties. I mean, this is not, not a new person. This is somebody who's around and can take a lot of bumps and that, and is the that we intuitive know, we feel it. We have that thing, like say something or, you know, being really fighting with somebody and saying, you know, I should tell them, I, I, I got a little aggressive with you. I should say things like that. And then we get into that fake world of leadership where we're like, I'm the authority. I don't need to say that this is where you compromise your culture. This is where you compromise their ability to be something expressed. And especially as leaders and executives, and especially in corporate environments that are very mired in policy. This is the way you keep the humanity alive. Even if you have thousands and thousands of employees is by micro instead of microaggressions, why don't you do microexpressions and that's so
Erin (28:04):
Hold on, my microphone just fell. That is up. OK. Wait. Instead of microaggression micro expressions that right there. Thank you. Tweet all tweeted. Oh my God. Okay. Yes, that is it. And truly, so I, I just want you to like, tell me things from your brain, because it's fascinating. You have a fascinating way of looking at the world. OK. And so I'm like, yes, yes. And I, you know what, you've inspired me. My, my questions are out the window. This is just me and you here now, because I'm like, is how it should be heart. I love it. I love it too. And I think you're talking about just leading with your heart. You're talking about showing up as a human being, connecting human to human. I mean, the person who's been in business that you just mentioned 60 plus years, right? Or however many 60 plus years they've been in business a long time.
Erin (28:59):
They've been doing the same things the same way you literally spent, like you said, seven seconds, which could have been some, you could have gone back in your mind, made up stories in your brain. He could have gone back, made up stories in his brain. And the two of you could have never connected. And you would've always bumped heads, but instead with a micro expression, okay, this is a new, you need to get a TM on the micro expression. I, I think like that in itself just shows how it's so simple, but we just forget because we wear, I always say this, we wear masks to work before 2020. Yeah. And we really did. And I, I think if there's a silver lining in all of this, it's that I'm right now PI at that teal fireplace in your home. And I am connecting. Cause I'm like, this is my spirit color.
Erin (29:52):
This is my life color. Yeah. I love it. And I'm, you know, and I'm looking at you and I'm hearing your dogs. And I know that you're a human being who has a child and son, and I have a son and I'm like, this is connecting. This is human. And, and I told you before too, I said, I didn't normally do interviews with video. And I'm so happy I am right now because I'm, I it's such a stronger connection. But that's what I think the silver lining for people in corporate America have really felt this past two years is, which is terrifying. It's been two years, we're showing up as a human being. And even though we may not be sitting face to face, I still feel your soul, your spirit. I feel that. And I think that is so easy as a leader. If you're listening today and you're thinking, how do I connect with my team in this world?
Erin (30:37):
And how do I be authentic and show up? It is as simple as just stating the facts saying simple questions. Like you just like you just giving that example of saying, you know, X, Y, and Z. I know you've been working with, you know, him for a long time and I'm excited that, you know, I I'm here to honor that, but here's, I'm, I'm sorry. I was bity. Like you literally just kind of like took a moment and realized S yourself in that at space and authentically connected, which we always think back to what you said, you have to be this leader who goes back to their leadership. Toolkit pulls out the handbook. Let me see, how do I handle this? My, no, you just use a small expression of kindness and empathy to change the course of that whole real relationship.
Audrey (31:24):
Yeah. Completely. And you know, there's this, there's this saying that leadership is very lonely because you are having to decisions. You know that because don't ourselves and I'm saying you to yourself on the sword and, and or yourself, or, you know, at, or any of those things, again, it just goes back back to that micro, micro ability to just have your redder pay attention to are my actions right now, consistent with my values and are my values consistent with the values of the vision of this company. And if something just goes a little bit off, you just acknowledge it and say, go around, tell and everybody, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. It's not even a matter of an apology. It's a matter of acknowledgement. Yes.
Erin (32:09):
Even if you go
Audrey (32:10):
In and, and this goes into framing too, when you go into meetings and you don't have a lot of time, like I'll tell people, listen right now, I'm frustrated. Tell my team, Hey guys, well, I'm gonna start this call. And I want you to know before I start it, I'm frustrated out something that happens. But here's my commitment. My commitment is to get to the other side of that frustration. By the end of this call to that, we're present, I'll create something we're present to passion aliveness and our love for one another. And they're like, okay, Audrey. And now how are they listening to that conversation? Not from like, oh, we gotta get our stuff together. Cause Audrey's upset. They're like she already acknowledged she's, she's annoyed. She's upset. She's frustrated. We already know that she's gonna go on a journey with us. So that gives us the freedom to talk.
Audrey (32:52):
It gives us the freedom to problem solve. It gives the freedom to say what we're frustrated about frustrated about too. That means she doesn't know about because she has been too busy to know about the internal breakdowns. And now this meeting is not a forced effort. It's an organic opening in which we can come out to the other side in a totally different way. I'll give you another example. That was really great. And, and it's in my world, which I know you experienced too, that you said, which is being a guest on podcasts. You know, we got ours and we got our business and then we got our things that we do. And then we're also guests. And so we're kind of stepping into somebody else's world and sharing our own world and the whole thing. And so I had this podcast in an ungodly early morning cuz they were somewhere else.
Audrey (33:32):
And so I, and I don't like early morning anything, but I was willing to do it for this host and something happened and the podcast didn't work out. It was my fault. And and so she sends a message and she says, you know you didn't show up with a podcast and whatever. And I, human reaction was so humiliated. Like I never show up late. I'm always somebody who shows own time. If I'm gonna to be late, I fully communicate in advance. I mean, I really take on that commitment. That people's time. I honor it. And I was so embarrassed that I was just like, oh, I'm just gonna let this go. And I thought, no again, that's not who I am and it's not what I'm committed to. And by the way, Audrey, your embarrassment is just your own self of wanting to look good anyway, who cares that you're embarrassed.
Audrey (34:24):
You're a about honoring people's time. So just express that, right? So sent her a message. And I said, listen, I totally understand if you don't wanna reschedule with me. And I can't even give you a good reason for my missing this, but I can tell you, it's not who I am. And if you're willing to do this, you know, have whatever time works. And I, again, I like, I apologize, whatever, but I, but I took that time. I didn't make it about me. I, I made it about her time and she sent me back a message and she shared, I don't tell anybody this, but your message was so kind and so thoughtful. And so acknowledging my time that my husband has recently got gotten in a really bad point of his Alzheimer's. And so not only do I work and I do all these things, but I also have to deal with his care.
Audrey (35:11):
And so I find myself a lot of times in the morning, just sobbing or dealing with things that are very emotional. And again, I wouldn't tell you that professionally, but something in me felt like I could tell you. And so I want you to know, I understand breakdowns happen at a level that I never understood them before. And thank you for just being a human being with me. And I would love to talk to you. And we wound up having like a great time. She asked me for some advice and things afterwards, and we exchanged, but we connected just like you said, as human beings and you know what human beings can still do their job. They can still be, you know, all the great things they are. You can still step in and everything. But if you lead from your heart and humanity first, it's not about being vulnerable in the context of that.
Audrey (35:55):
You can be it's about being vulnerable in the way that you can be adaptable. Malleable live in self discovery, live in a bigger box at all times to grow more and more. And I think those things are, are not only important things to take on in leadership and how you develop people and you train people, but are important qualities for us to know that there's no turning back. That's why we're seeing so many people getting called on and held accountable for bad behavior. Because a lot for a long time in the corporate world and in business world, people did damage control to cover up. As long as you were producing results and you were a top seller or you were getting to invest in money, or you were doing some great things or you had dirt on somebody else we were willing to. And now we don't in a like that anymore. We're held to account for the, that choices have on those us to be and where our writer is again, is, is this Goodwill, is this a shortcut that I'm making for a and a result today that'll have, I'll have to pay the debt for tomorrow. And that's what bad behavior is. That's what being suppressed is. That's what going to old tricks of leadership is, is it's getting something today, which you're gonna be in debt for tomorrow. Cause you will have to pay some point.
Erin (37:23):
Yes you will. It's it's karma. There's a little thing called karma. It comes around, it comes through and bites you right in the tush push. But that is so true. And I love, I love that story. At the example you gave, because not only first and foremost, I had a little, I had a tear in the retina. I don't know if you could see it from my ring light. I have a ring light now. OK. But I really did feel that because we all experienced so many things personally, that when we show up to work, we have no idea what the person in front of us has gone through that morning. We have no idea. We have no idea. And we put on this brave face, cuz we think work needs to be transactional. But because that woman, you, you were vulnerable with your actions and you know, you said I made, there is no reason I did not show up on time.
Erin (38:16):
I am so sorry. And you were real and vulnerable with her. She was real and vulnerable with you. And now I'm sure you probably stay connected. And you think you just told that story. You're thinking of this person in a completely different light, whereas you could have just beat yourself up about it. Not sent an email and just been mad at yourself and then kind of mad at like the whole situation you created a blooming relationship from it, which is another wonderful, wonderful trade of leadership is just being clean with what you've done. If you've made a mistake own up to it, we say an improv. There are no mistakes, only gifts mm-hmm <affirmative>. So this notion of fail, call myself a fail flu, but it's all about allowing those as gifts to help us grow. I have so many things that I could be mad about myself in leadership.
Erin (38:59):
I'm not perfect. Right. I'm sure we both are sitting here thinking about as you're talking I'm like mm-hmm, <affirmative>, I've, I've done some things that I wish I did not do as a leader. Yeah. But I came, I, you have to first be okay with it yourself. You have to have those conversations that make it right with the people that of interacted with and then you have to move on and grow from that experience. You have to let it teach you into the next experience because if something else happens some other time down the road, that lesson is there to remind you not to do it again.
Audrey (39:29):
Yeah. And I think that, you know, we're one of the other things that we're coming out of in terms of the paradigm of leadership and our, and how we are with our teams and culture is, is this kind of big results. Everybody's so focused on the big results. And I, I believe what we've gotten and, and have weak muscles around is the moment by moment choices. And, and you know, I, I just did this on my, a pod on the leadership podcast. I do talk to guests, but I also do this just me in a monologue, communicating an insight or something that are currently going through just distinguishing something and leadership for, for leaders to listen and develop in their mind what they wanna do. And it's really an opportunity to try on something and see what you see. One of the things that I, I talked about was the distinction between choice and decisions as a leader.
Audrey (40:23):
And that decisions are something that are really important because you need to be decisive of it. As a leader, people are looking on you when you know, to the data, to, to what's gonna happen. And you've gotta find out like, where are we gonna put the money? Where are we gonna invest the money? Where are gonna lay people off are we're gonna hire new people. There's things every day. And you don't have a lot of time to just wait three months to make it that could be the detriment of the company or your department or what have you. You've gotta be decisive and decisiveness for me as a leader is really a function of listening to everybody, looking at all the circumstances and then making that decision and explaining to people why you did it. So they could be self generative inside of it. Choice as a leadership, to me is a function of choosing who you're gonna be in the face of those circumstances.
Audrey (41:13):
So it's very easy when the results are great to celebrate and be happy and be inspired. And then when the results are not great to be intense and reactive, what if you just flipped it? What if, who you were being, when the chips were down was grateful and acknowledging, and you celebrated the people and what they gave and that you told 'em. I know it's a tough time right now, but you know what I believe in you cause you remember three years ago when you did this and Sarah, remember when you put yourself out there and John, I know you're dealing with some stuff in your family and you still show up every day. You give us everything you have. What if who you were being was the total counterintuitive to the circumstances, what would be the outcome? What would be the outcome? And I think that is really the time we're in right now is let's not look at all the right answers to everything.
Audrey (42:11):
Let's start building stronger muscles around choosing who we're gonna be to me. I think that's the most honorable thing that you could do with humanity, which is we're all designed to create. If you're a religious person, you know, that we were created in God's image and therefore if God creates, then we're in there God's image. Then we can, if you're not a religious person and you think of other things, you can look at nature and all of it, and you can see the human Bo body gets cut and it heals itself. I mean, come on. That's amazing. We're designed to be exceptional from the get go. There's so much about us. You can't even explain our brains. We're not even using the full capacity. We're driving around the most complex pieces that you can imagine. And we still have never really read the manual. So I think this is really our opportunity at this time.
Audrey (43:06):
And, and especially as corporations are looking at, which is going on right now, which is the big resignation is this time in history have, has had people look and say who holy cow, my life was at stake over this last year. Yes. What is my life? Yes. What is my life about? Is this where I wanna be? And I'm gonna tell you how to hold onto your people and get your people. Is we, as leaders have to lead and disrupt ourselves and break apart ourselves to be, be purpose driven leaders, because that is, what's gonna attract people from now because that's the big disruption that happened. The big awakening that's happening right now is you don't see me. So I don't need to be here. I'll I'll, I'll make, I'll find ways to make money. I'll drive an Uber car, whatever, even though I was, or whatever, I'm willing to make that compromise because you don't see me.
Audrey (44:00):
So the work that you're doing, the, you know, what we're doing in amplify voices is to, like I said, to build as much content as possible. We're gonna go in the enterprise direction as well as the audience facing direction in terms of the kind of content that Pete and I wanna scale and the people that we wanna to, to really amplify them to say, Hey, here's all the possible content in every possible direction that you can imagine with every kind of face size look, sound, all of it. You know, not looking at these leaders as people who are bold and speak up and then convey being competent. But looking at your introverts, looking at your shy people, looking at, you know, looking in ways where you say this is different than what I thought this was, let me go this direction. That's where we're gonna get new results. That's where we're gonna transform and, and, and change the direction. So I think that's important for your audience.
Erin (44:49):
I think it's so I, okay. I literally, I want you to have, I mean, I know you do videos on your Facebook. I want you to just, if I have a question, get on your YouTube and just talk to me today, <laugh> like, you literally spoke to me in a moment of, it was like you were in my physical brain and you talked me out of a right now. So I hope somebody listening to this show today felt that too. I mean, literally as you were talking, I'm like she is right. I should be grateful. I should be celebrating that hard work. I should be like, remember when you did this on top of all of the things that you had going on in your personal life. Yes. I should do that. Yes, I should do that. And I think I also wrote this down, driving around the most complex places, but, and we haven't read the manual. Yeah. What,
Audrey (45:39):
Yeah.
Erin (45:40):
Yeah. We haven't and we're it's we never knew we were gonna do this. Right. We didn't know. We
Audrey (45:46):
Didn't know. No, I I've never read the manual to my iPhone. And the thing cost $1,200, you know? Right. I've I've never read the manual to the car that I've all the cars ever drove and they've been expensive. I mean, I think there is a kind of a norm, unless we're the people that dig through that we have that kind of persona that more often than not, we don't look at how things work. So the fact that you, like you said, you have the guests that was into epigenetics, understand, listen, look at the trauma that happened over this last year. As leaders, we gotta get invested in understanding how trauma lives in the body and then what we force people to work next to each other. We force people to deal with personalities that activate them and cause them triggers that re you know, the person that you're working with now, isn't the person that you're working with.
Audrey (46:30):
The person that you're working with has become your mother. And you're reacting to them based on your past. If we don't have the ability as leaders to navigate through that terrain, both with ourselves and others, we're gonna be locked in a perpetual state of high school or family patterns that we duplicate over and over again. And I think that's really, really significant. One of the things Erin that you brought up was that I know people listen to podcasts whenever they listen to podcasts, but you did bring up that there, that this episode may happen in January, right. That people may be listening to that. And I, I wanted to give your, your teams and your leaders and all the people listening, something that I'd like to share is that, is that of course,
Erin (47:13):
Yes. I want you to, like, I literally want this to be a three hour episode, but we can't do, but you know, keep going, keep going, keep going.
Audrey (47:21):
OK. So so one of the things that I do is really important. I always do this with my team, but it's a practice that I have in life as a human being that expresses itself personally, and, and professionally is I don't wait till January to create my year, like create my year at the beginning of December through like the 15th. And, and I ask myself a few questions every year are my habits and my actions serving my greatest good and the greatest good of others is what I'm doing, serving myself. And is it serving the greatest good of others? And what new challenges do I wanna take on to expand myself in honor of myself and others and anything that doesn't cut the mustard, the people around me that I'm in associations with the things that I'm doing, the habits that I form. Cause we get into a lot of things where we just get in the groove of things, right?
Audrey (48:22):
We have to be our own disruptors. Otherwise you wake up six years later and you go, how did I get here? Hmm. And I mean that with everything, whether it's, you know, food addiction or you, you get to a point at night where all of a sudden you're having like, oh, I finished that whole bottle of wine. Huh? We'll do that's and now I'm, that's, there's all humanity. My be good things that you're doing. Like I'm working out all the time or, or I'm always on top of things and I'm the first to wake up and I'm the last one to work. Hey, but is it still serving you? Do you still need to keep being that way? Do you need to keep me doing that? So what I do is I ensure that I put, it's almost like the cleaning house and setting my, my, my true self, not over are taking on 50 things, very simple things that I can be accountable for and maintain my integrity.
Audrey (49:16):
And then I celebrate the holiday. And that way, what happens is you start January and all of a sudden it's February and you haven't even figured out what you wanted to do for the year. Cause that's what happens. You come outta January, flying outta the gate with all these needs and demands and you're already behind. And then you're not fully there. You are not fully inside of your own machinery. If you will. I start January already ahead of the game because I already threw myself up. So I, I, it, this might sound crazy and it does drive my family crazy. But what I also do is I change my cell phone number every two years, stop
Erin (49:54):
To get rid of the people that you don't necessarily need and you're stop it. Now I've had the same area code for 20 years and it's Michigan and I haven't lived there in 20 years
Audrey (50:05):
And there's nothing and there's nothing wrong with that. It's my practice. But I'm gonna tell you, like, that's how much I look at it to say, if you really want to get ahold of me, if you really well, I mean, we have social media these days, so people could just find you, right? Yes. And I found the people that weren't true. Connections of mine who maybe were hanging on me for things that, or whatever. It is never bothered to reach out again. Never heard from them again, genius. And the people that wanted to be with me that were invested in my life were like, I can't wait you Audrey. What's going on. I'm like, that's my friend. That's that? Somebody with my champion, that's my person.
Erin (50:39):
That's it. I love this. I love you're blowing my mind right now. I think that you have such a, such a light to you. I'm I'm so glad you're you're hosting podcasts. I'm so glad your voice is amplified. I'm so glad. I really you're fantastic. OK. I really could talk to you forever, but I know our, I know that, you know, people are finishing their commutes, their walks. If you're commuting wherever you are. So we'll keep it. We'll keep this where we are, because I'd love to have you back from the show. Again, you were just a beautiful, beautiful human being. So tell my audience the improve it audience, where they can find you, if it, and, and, you know, you have
Audrey (51:27):
Amplify voices.io. So www.amplifyvoices.io, you can reach out to me there, find through social media, find all the podcasts that we're doing. I really encourage HR departments to look at it because we have such an array things for black women, things for white guys talking about their privilege and, and dealing how they're gonna change the landscape of really rising up women. And, and we try to look at kinda where the gaps are with the expression of heartfelt kindness and taking on tough topics without arguing about it, but really learning from one another, not with an intention to change, you know, things like that. So, and I just really felt leadership for me was something that I'm very passionate about. I really wanna infuse a lot of humanity and give a lot of permission for people to be human. So unlikely leadership was <laugh> was really important to expand the narrative. Let's do it together.
Erin (52:19):
Let's do it. Oh, you are just creating amazing change. You're you're doing amazing work. Thank you for coming on our show. Thank you. I mean, literally I know our audience, I'm gonna hear from so many people. I'm just grateful to know you I'm, you know, I'm in the I'm I'm gonna find you on all the things. I don't have your number. You're orbit for a, so being here, Audrey. Thanks.
Erin (52:53):
Okay. Is your mind blown or what? I literally could have made this a three hour episode. I know you have things to do. I was intrigued. I just thought she has so much goodness to give to the world. She sees the world in such a beautiful way. I'm so honored we have her on the show, but here's what I want you to take away from today's show. So at the very end, we talked about how to hold yourself accountable as a leader in 2022 purpose driven leadership, which is all about accountability, being purposeful in the way that we show up for ourselves, as well as, as well as our team. So take note of what she did to start her off strong. At the beginning of this year, she asked herself these three questions. One are my habits and actions serving the greater good of others.
Erin (53:42):
So I want you to ask herself that right now are my habits and actions serving the greater good of others. She also asked herself is what I'm doing, serving my greatest. Good. So ask yourself that question. Number two. What is it that you're doing? And is it serving your greatest? Good. And the third question she asked herself are, what challenges do I want to take on to expand myself? If you haven't figured it out yet, she does this in the beginning of December. That is totally okay. But I want you to think about it as we approach this new year, what things do you wanna do to improve you? What do you want to you to make you a better leader, a better friend, a better parent, whatever that title is, what do you want to do to take on a challenge and expand yourself this year?
Erin (54:37):
This interview is so beautiful to me. I wanna have her back on the show. I loved her thoughts on microaggressions and turning them into micro expression, but I really want you to focus on these action items here, these three things or your habits in action, serving the greater good of others is what I'm doing, serving my greatest. Good. And what challenges do you wanna take on to challenge yourself? Come back to this episode. Take notes, pause, answer these questions because this going to set you up for success in the year 2020 tweet, 2022 <laugh> that's a tongue twister, 2022 friends improve at family. I am so grateful that you showed up here with us today. Thank you so much for believing in yourself for improving you yourself, improving the world around you. Keep failing, keep improving because that world out there needs that special. It that only you can bring, I will see you back here next week, light and love.
Erin (55:39):
Hey friends, thanks for tuning in to improve it. I am so happy you are along for the ride. If you enjoyed this show, head on over to iTune to leave us a five star review and subscribe to the show. So you never miss an episode. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Now, if you're really feeling today's show and you've improved it even just a little bit, please take a screenshot and tag me at keeping it real deal on Instagram and share it in your stories. I'll see you next week, but I wanna leave you with this thought, what did you improve today and how will that help your future successful self? Think about it. I am rooting for you and the world needs that special. It that only you can bring see you next time.