Episode 154: Making the Brave Leap with Heather Vickery
Today we’re busting bravery myths, starting with the idea that we can like and trust ourselves when we get “there.” “There” meaning that dream job, selling X number of copies of your book, or moving into your dream home.
The truth is, the future isn’t real. We can’t touch it, hear it, see it, smell it, or feel it. We can access it only through our imagination, which is a dangerous water to tread. And because the future isn’t real, telling ourselves that we’re going to like and trust ourselves in the future is, to the truest meaning of the word, pointless.
On the contrary, when we practice liking and trusting ourselves right now, we start showing up in new ways. We take our “IT” factors to the highest power. We form lifetime connections. We take intentional creative risks. We propel ourselves to our next best thing.
Your future self doesn’t need your bravery, your right now self does. Listen to Erin and guest Heather Vickery discuss what it means to make the brave leap in your everyday life.
ICYMI – Your Post-Episode Homework: Think about your own story with bravery. What is a time that you have shown up for yourself? You felt strong, you felt empowered, and you did something that you did not think that you could do. You got comfortable with the uncomfortable. Think about that story today. Then give yourself a big high five or a hug because my friends, bravery is boss. Bravery is leading the way for our teams, our families, our friends. Bravery is showing up for you.
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Erin Diehl is the founder and Chief “Yes, And” officer of improve it! and host of the improve it! Podcast. She’s a performer, facilitator and professional risk-taker who lives by the mantra, “get comfortable with the uncomfortable.” Through a series of unrelated dares, Erin has created improve it!, a unique professional development company that pushes others to laugh, learn and grow. Her work with clients such as United Airlines, PepsiCo, Groupon, Deloitte, Motorola, Walgreens, and The Obama Foundation earned her the 2014 Chicago RedEye Big Idea Award and has nominated her for the 2015-2019 Chicago Innovations Award.
This graduate from Clemson University is a former experiential marketing and recruiting professional as well as a veteran improviser from the top improvisational training programs in Chicago, including The Second City, i.O. Theater, and The Annoyance Theatre.
When she is not playing pretend or facilitating, she enjoys running and beach dates with her husband and son, and their eight-pound toy poodle, BIGG Diehl.
You can follow the failed it! podcast on Instagram @learntoimproveit and facebook, and you can follow Erin personally on Instagram @keepinitrealdiehl here. You can also check out improve it! and how we can help your organization at www.learntoimproveit.com. We can’t wait to connect with you online!
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Episode 154 Transcription
Erin (00:00):
Hi new friend. I'm Erin Diehl, business improv edutainer, Failfluencer, and keynote speaker who is ready to help you improve your it, it being the thing that makes you, you. So think of me as your keeping it real. Professional development bestie who is here to help you develop yourself into the best version of you possible so you can develop your team and lead with intentionality, transparency, and authenticity. Oh, and did I mention we're improving your IT through play? That's right. I'm an improvisational comedy expert who uses experiential learning to help you have your aha haha moments. Those are the moments when the light bulb goes off and you're laughing at the same time. So grab your chicken hat, your notebook, and your inner child because I'm gonna take you on a journey that is both fun and transformative. Welcome to the Improve It Podcast.
Erin (01:09):
Improve It peeps. Oh my goodness. Today's show is going to be broken down into three parts. You're gonna hear from the Fantastic Heather Victory. You'll hear how we connected in this episode, but this show in particular is going to give you all the feels. So make sure you have some tissues handy or just get prepared to have an awesome experience of authentic, real human connection and hear a story that is very brave from Heather. So Heather Vicary is an award-winning business owner and global leader with over 20 years as an entrepreneur. And she's an achiever and unrealistic dreams. She leverages her entrepreneurial skills and expertise to coach individuals toward greater personal and professional fulfillment by helping them leverage their fear into intentional bravery. Heather says, when we choose bravely on purpose, we choose bigger win successes and it's contagious. As a celebrated public speaker, Heather inspires audiences and provides attendees with the tools they need to live bold and successful lives on their own terms.
Erin (02:25):
Now Heather is a single mom of four who left a decade long marriage and came out yes of the closet personally and professionally. And she is on a mission to create a global everyday brave revolution. She's a Broadway producer and the author of the best selling books, Fearless, making The Brave Leap. Side note, there will be swearing in today's show, so keep your earmuffs on or your earbuds on if you have little ones running around. She's also the author of The Gratitude Journal, shift Your Focus and The Gratitude Journal, grow Grateful, a Gratitude Journal for Kids and Families. Heather is also the host and executive producer of The Brave Files, a top 1.5 Global podcast and co-host and producer of Was It Chance, the podcast about embracing opportunity and taking intentional risks for your creative life. Now, when Heather's not coaching, podcasting, volunteering or hanging out with her family, you'll probably find her traveling reading, which you'll hear about in this episode at the theater, or on a long walk with a good friend. Let's get to improving it with Heather Bickery Heather. Oh my God, I am so excited to have you on this show,
Heather (03:46):
<Laugh>. I'm so excited to be here. I just forgot for a minute, only for a minute, how unbelievably awesome your energy is and how much fun we had when you were a guest on my podcast, the Brave Files, and I'm already having a good time and we haven't even started.
Erin (04:00):
We haven't even started. I know I told you, I was like, listen, you remind me of my friend that I used to work with. Like I just feel like our energy just ping pongs and it's so fun and so improve it peeps you were in for such a trait and I had the best time on your show. So definitely. Do you know what episode that was? Heather? We'll plug it. One episode. Oh,
Heather (04:17):
Oh, it was the two episodes ago. I wanna say 1 38 and I will confirm that one eight
Erin (04:23):
For you. Ok. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. And we'll put that in the show notes cuz that was a really vulnerable show. I'm not gonna lie to you. That was, I had some armpit sweat on that one. It was a Li <laugh> cause it, it really was talking about childhood. We went back to the, you know, the roots Yeah. Of where this all started and it really did bring up some, you had some great questions, so if you haven't listened to that, we'll link to it. You should definitely check out Heather's show. But let's talk about even the title of this show and Your Life because you have led a very brave Life, my friend. And you even have a book about it. <Laugh> Buck Fearless Making The Brave Leap. Yes, fearless. Yeah. Buck Fearless
Heather (05:08):
Throws people off just a, usually a little bit in the beginning, but I'm okay with
Erin (05:13):
It. Okay. But I like that cuz you're like, listen, I'm not, there's no surprises here, you know? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>, this is what you're getting. So let me ask you this. What inspired you to write that book and why? Because this book is how old?
Heather (05:27):
Two years. It came out a year and a half ago.
Erin (05:30):
Year and a half ago. Okay. So why now-Ish. And what inspired you to write this book?
Heather (05:37):
Yeah, so, well, you know, we can go back. I, I have an English and I have an, I joke, I have a degree in. I have an English and theater double major from college now I'm 48, right? So I don't reference college all that often. It's not all that relevant anymore. But I love writing and it's something that I have always felt passionate about. And so the Brave Method itself is my and my businesses. It's, it's my coaching method, right? Creative strategic approach to problem solving, dreaming, designing, building, and actually having a life and or a business that you're madly in love with. And since we already said, I assume I can mm-hmm. <Affirmative>, say it again.
Erin (06:19):
Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. Oh yeah. We're gonna earmuffs for all the children around here. <Laugh>. Yes.
Heather (06:24):
And look, none of this is revolutionary. It's boundaries, reassessment, reframing, resilience, action, accountability, vulnerability. And then your result is expansion and empowerment. I didn't invent those things. What I did. Invent is a way to make them part of your daily routine, easily digestible, to look at things from a different perspective, to shift your focus a little bit, get creative, get out of the box. It works and it works for starting a business or being promoted up. It works if you're grieving somebody that you love, that you've lost. It works for deciding to get a divorce. It works for deciding to get married. It works in all of the ways and all of the places. And I'm an avid, avid reader. You ask me a question pre-interview, like what is the one book I'm like the, the one book I write 115 in 2022, the one book.
Heather (07:19):
And I wanted to be part of that. I wanted to be part of making a difference out there. And I've made it, I've made it the way, it's a new writing style really. And the way I enjoy reading short, digestible chapters, easy to dig your teeth into, easy to take action on and always recommend that you start at the beginning and read all the way through. But after that, go back to wherever you want, pick and choose whatever chapter is gonna most get you out of that space of, of stuck or unhappy or unworthiness or whatever it is in that moment and have it help you. So that's why,
Erin (07:58):
Oh my God, I love it. And 115 books. Yeah. I'm trying to go for 24 in 20 threes. Ok. Okay. How do you, cause okay, Heather, and they have already heard your bio. So you have four children, you run a business, you have two podcasts. I'm wanna ask this follow up question. How do you read books? How do you have time to read 115 books? Are these audible or are these physical pages? So many questions.
Heather (08:25):
Yeah, totally fair question. And, and I have a really fun story about it. So I have always, well, that's not true. I tell the story in my book about how I became a reader when I was 12. I became a, a passionate reader of historical romance. You know, those dirty dime store novels that have half naked people on
Erin (08:45):
The cover? Yes. My grandmother read them. Yes. Yeah. Okay,
Heather (08:48):
Okay. My aunt got me into them and people were horrified. The teachers were horrified. But my tutor, cuz I had a tutor and I'm really proud of it. And she saved my life. So thanks to all the people who do that. She's told my mom, just let her read. It doesn't matter what she's reading. So I developed a deep passion for reading and a deep passion for history from those books. Fast forward graduate with that English degree, right? I, I read a lot and then I had babies <laugh> and I totally stopped reading, like completely stopped reading and 10, 12 years pass. And a guest who was on my podcast in the very beginning, her name is Casey Marie was one of like the first 10 episodes of the show. She invited me to participate in the 12 books and 12 months challenge, which is just what it sounds like.
Heather (09:39):
You take 12 books that have been collecting dust on your shelf and you commit to reading one a month. And I was like, no, I can't do that. I haven't read 12 pages in in a year. I can't, I can't read 12 books. And I walked away and then it just sat with me and I was like, oh, what am I it do, can I do that? Why is it, why won't that go away? And then Barack Obama's, this was in 2018, I think 18, 18 or 19, I'd have to look 18 I think. And his like top 50 books of the year came out. And I'm like, you know what? If Barack Obama can read more than 50 books, I can read 12. Yes I can do that. So this is okay, this is the brave method at work and how I use it in my own life.
Heather (10:22):
So I was like, if I wanna do this, what has to shift? Something has to change to make space. So I agreed to to myself, it was just me, <laugh>. I agreed to myself that I would read in three different spaces, in three different categories. I would read personal professional development books and I would put 15 minutes in my schedule every day committed to learning and reading. And if I had more time, I would do that. If there was time to kill in between a meeting or whatever and there wasn't enough time to start something, I'd read a page or two of the book. Now, in order to do that, I had to let go of the story that I can only read one book at a time and that I have to have hours and hours and hours to sit down and read or I just couldn't possibly do it.
Heather (11:07):
So I did that that I would read for fun in the evenings and the weekends when I wanted to, and again, have my book with me. If I was waiting in front of the school for a school pickup or a drop off and I had five, 10 minutes, instead of scrolling social media, I'd read a page or two of the book and then audio books. I love memoirs and I like to listen to them. So I listen to memoirs exclusively on audiobook. I don't like anything else on audio, but I would listen to them on walks with the dog or doing the laundry or doing whatever. And that first year I read 32 books. Oh my God. By BA shifting those three things. And I was like, I felt like I was the queen of the world. It was amazing. And so I just kept that and I've become a little bit of a faster reader. Yeah, I don't watch a ton of tv. It helps me control my social media. I'll tell you, TikTok damages me. Like I have to be like, okay, I gotta set a timer for TikTok cuz I could be on TikTok for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours. So yeah, that's how
Erin (12:11):
It's amazing and
Heather (12:13):
I love it. I get so much joy out of reading. Yeah. So I've just finished my 17th book of this year. And there'll be two or three more here and well, we're recording in February. We're airing in March. But yeah, so that is, but that is the brave method, right? So we talk about reassessment, reframing, resilience, setting boundaries. What, okay, what did I do before that I don't want that, I don't like I don't wanna do that again. I wanna try something different. How can I shift it? It's not about getting it right all the time. It's about reevaluating, restructuring and showing up to do it again and different, and maybe it'll be better and maybe it won't. But then you reassess again, does this work? What do I wanna do? How do I wanna shift it? Right? And you get into small action, you make small commitments to yourself that build up on one another. You celebrate the hell out of them, you express gratitude for them. And the next thing you know, you have done incredible things. Like reading 115 books in a year feels incredible to me. And if you're trying to get, what'd you say? 24, then I say, that's awesome. That's amazing. Do that.
Erin (13:18):
Oh my God, I love this. I, you know, here's the thing. I actually stopped watching TV during the week and I've started reading more in the evenings. And I have to tell you, it was, it, it needed to happen. Cause I could sit on TikTok and watch horses. Yeah. Wolves be removed
Heather (13:34):
For
Erin (13:34):
<Laugh> for two hours,
Heather (13:36):
Hairstyles. I'm deep in hairstyles to talk at 48
Erin (13:40):
<Laugh>. Oh my God. And it's like, what am I doing? So I totally hear you. And this is more educational. It's giving you this, this backbone to your own brave method. And here's what I wanna know, because this leads me, you're, you're filled with stories, you have all these stories in these books. You have these amazing, you like memoirs, you have all these different things to pull from. But I wanna know, what is Heather's story with bravery? What caused you to make the brave leap and talk to us about it? Because I feel like you had to go through a story to get to here.
Heather (14:13):
Yeah, I mean, we always do, right? Like that's, that's the thing, that's the life thing. So listen mine I think is a little bit unique compared to some folks, although I am most definitely not the only person that has ever had this lived experience. I, I did all the things I was supposed to do, all, all of the things that society and mostly my mother told me I was supposed to do. I went to college, I'm glad I went to college, I joined a sorority. I'm not so glad I joined a sorority, but whatever, I, if it worked for you, then that's great. I got outta school, I got a job. The one area <laugh> where I was brave from the beginning, and I don't know where this comes from, is I realized very quickly on that while I work well with people, I don't work well for people.
Heather (15:00):
And so when I was really still quite young, I was like, this, I'm gonna start my own business. And I did, I had a background in event planning, nonprofit planning wedding planning, and I created a luxury event and wedding planning business that was amazing and thrived for 18 years. So we put that on in one bucket, right? And then I got married to a really nice man and I had four amazing, beautiful children. And I noticed as I was moving further and further into my life, my heart is like p I don't usually get whew.
Erin (15:34):
Ooh, okay, we, we need breath. Let's breath, let's do a breath. Ok. Wait, we don't have to tell it if it's too No, no.
Heather (15:39):
I wanna tell it. Ok. Ok. And I don't, I tell it on stage. I have my keynote speaker all the time, but for whatever reason today it's oh. So just so y'all know, you're getting to see really, really honest Heather, although, yes, that's how I will.
Erin (15:53):
And then, and you're being brave. This is like a true testimony to what we're talking about. Okay. Thank you for, for sharing that and doing this and sharing this. Okay, keep going, keep going. You got it.
Heather (16:01):
Okay. So I realized I had this perfect, beautiful life on paper. We lived in the nicest house in the neighborhood. We made lots of money. We had four perfect, beautiful, healthy children. And I hated my life. And I did not like myself. And I felt like every decision was fear-based. Oh, well do the thing that will cause the least conflict or that will make people question me less or that won't be as hard as something else. But everything was hard. Everything was scary. And finally what there were a number of things, but the biggest thing that really came to play is I finally got really honest about the fact that I had married the wrong gender. I'd married a really nice guy, we probably weren't a life match. Anyway, if I look back now 10 years later, I go, oh hmm, that probably wasn't gonna last forever.
Heather (16:54):
But in, in total transparency, I am a lesbian and I was married to the wrong gender and I lived with that for quite some time and I didn't know what to do with it because you don't get married to get divorced. Most people don't, right? You wanna work it out. I didn't wanna traumatize my children, I didn't wanna hurt my spouse. And it was scary. Like I had done, well, I had a very successful business, but could I do this on my own? Really? I, I didn't know. I wasn't sure. And then one moment, there was one morning I was having breakfast with my girls and I remember it really clearly. It was a beautiful sunny day and the sun was streaming in and they were all little curly headed toe heads. And I looked at them and I thought, what would I tell them if they came to me in this situation? What is the advice that I would give them?
Heather (17:52):
And I knew <laugh> right then. It was like this light or download from the universe or light switch something, whatever you want it to, to be. That I would say, baby girl, go out and live your best life. Like, I wasn't gonna say, well suck it up, deal with it. You made your bed. I want them to go out and live big and trust themselves and know that the world is waiting for them to fully show up. And as mo as soon as I had that thought, I went, oh. Cuz if I want that for them, I have to do that for me. And they have to see me do it. And it was that moment that I went from fear-based to limitless and believing in possibility. And I'll tell you an insider story, right before I came on to do this interview, I was writing sales copy because in April, I am doing a five day abundance challenge.
Heather (18:48):
And I was had just typed these lines and it fits right now. Last year I added the line achiever of Unrealistic Dreams to my bio. Mm mm-hmm <affirmative>. And, and that's what it was like. I can do anything if it's to show them that they can do anything. And when I look back, I'm like, how the, mm-hmm <affirmative>, I didn't even, I didn't even know I wanted to dream this 20 years ago. And then I dreamt it and now I've done it and now I'm dreaming new dreams and building new things and choosing bravery in new ways. And it was hard. And I don't mean to say that it's not hard, but once I made that realization and I decided that I was gonna believe in possibility, choose bravely I started to shift the way I showed up in the world what I was willing to accept. Again, this was well before the brave method became a thing, but it was the same stuff. I started to set boundaries, I started to set expectations, hold myself accountable, be vulnerable, put myself out there and it works. And I, you know, slow, slowly and surely and there have been really hard sad moments and those moments for the most part have still been better than the life I lived before I had that moment.
Erin (19:59):
Oh my god, Heather, this story is incredible. No, truly. It's so incredible. Thank you so much for sharing that. And I feel, yeah, let's take a deep breath. Yeah,
Heather (20:09):
You're welcome. I tell it all the time, Erin, so I cannot explain why I had such a physical reaction, but I did. I was like, oh
Erin (20:17):
My, no. Cause you know what? I feel like this story <laugh>, so we're talking, we're talking about your brave story and we're talking about how you decided to make the brave leap. How you have chosen this life of uncertainty. I love that line in your bio, by the way, cuz I saw that actually thank you when I was reading it and I was like the achiever of unrealistic dreams. It's so perfect, <laugh>. And here's the deal. Thank you. Someone somewhere needed to hear this story today. Someone somewhere needed to hear this story. And so I feel like, like maybe that was what was on your chest and on your heart a little bit. And I feel like sometimes you gotta just follow that fear. You know, you have to lean in, you have to push through. And I'm so glad you shared that with us because it ultimately led you to this life of liking and trusting yourself and self love and acceptance. And I'm sure there were many bumps in the path to get here. So let's you know, let's not skim over that. There's probably a lot that you had to go through to get to this space,
Erin (21:31):
Improve it peeps. What a story, what a conversation. Kudos to you, Heather, for giving us this amazing vulnerable story. We appreciate you for sharing it with us here today and improve it peeps. You know, I like to give you a tangible to take away for yourself. So here is your homework for today. I want you to think about your own story with bravery. What is a time that you have shown up for yourself, you felt strong, you felt empowered, and you did something that you did not think that you could do. You got comfortable with the uncomfortable? I want you to think about that story today. And then I want you to give yourself a big giant high five or a hug because my friends bravery is boss. Bravery is leading the way for our teams, our families, our friends. Bravery is showing up for you. We've got another episode coming up, all about showing up for yourself and giving yourself that self love with Heather. We'll leave that episode to tomorrow where you can tune into this show and hear. Episode 1 55. Thank you so much for tuning in as you know what I'm gonna say here, keep failing, keep improving because the world needs that special it that only you can bring. I'll see you next time.
Erin (22:59):
Hey friend, did you enjoy today's show? If so, head on over to iTunes to rate and subscribe. So you never miss an episode. Now, did I mention that when you leave a five star review of the Improve It podcast, an actual team of humans does a happy dance? Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. That's right. So leave a review for us on iTunes, screenshot it, and send me an email at info learn to improve it.com. I'll send you a personalized video back as a thank you. Thanks so much for listening. Improve It Peeps. I'll see you next Wednesday.