Episode 222: Are You Ready to Stop Playing Small? Discover these Game-Changing Strategies to Elevate Your Leadership Presence
You know what limiting beliefs, not going after your dreams, and the fear of failure have in common?
Playing small. Then maybe talking yourself out of it for a bit. And then playing small again.
In today’s episode, Erin walks you two activities from one of her dear friends that will help you set the tone for the year, get specific about what it is you want, and literally burn away old habits.
If you're looking for an extra umph into achieving your goals this year, this is the episode for you.
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Erin Diehl is the founder and Chief “Yes, And” officer of improve it! and host of the improve it! Podcast. She’s a performer, facilitator and professional risk-taker who lives by the mantra, “get comfortable with the uncomfortable.” Through a series of unrelated dares, Erin has created improve it!, a unique professional development company that pushes others to laugh, learn and grow. Her work with clients such as United Airlines, PepsiCo, Groupon, Deloitte, Motorola, Walgreens, and The Obama Foundation earned her the 2014 Chicago RedEye Big Idea Award and has nominated her for the 2015-2019 Chicago Innovations Award.
This graduate from Clemson University is a former experiential marketing and recruiting professional as well as a veteran improviser from the top improvisational training programs in Chicago, including The Second City, i.O. Theater, and The Annoyance Theatre.
When she is not playing pretend or facilitating, she enjoys running and beach dates with her husband and son, and their eight-pound toy poodle, BIGG Diehl.
You can follow the failed it! podcast on Instagram @learntoimproveit and facebook, and you can follow Erin personally on Instagram @keepinitrealdiehl here. You can also check out improve it! and how we can help your organization at www.learntoimproveit.com. We can’t wait to connect with you online!
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Episode 222 Transcription
Erin Diehl (00:02.854)
Improve it peeps. Welcome to today's show. I am Erin Diehl. I'm so happy that you clicked play on today's episode. And today's episode is so important as we continue our theme this month of January, all about magnetic cultures. And today's episode is just me. We've been hearing from a lot of amazing guests.
But this episode stood out to me as such an important episode to share with you because it's 2024, it's January. We all have either resolutions or intentions or some idea of how we want this year to go. And we've left behind the things that no longer serve us hopefully in 2023. I don't even know what it was.
But December 31st, I was feeling 2023 energy. Give me Jan one. I was like, yes, 2024, let's go. And myself and team have been feeling that energy for the past few weeks and it feels so freaking good. So if you clicked on today's show, chances are you're ready for a shift in your life. Maybe you're wanting to ask for a promotion or a raise. Maybe you're wanting to leave your corporate job.
and start your own business. Maybe you're ready to start a social media page and showcase your new hobby. Maybe you're a jewelry maker. Maybe you are an underwater basket weaver. Maybe you are traveling the world and wanna share your journey. And that's something you're looking forward to. Or maybe you wanna write a book or become a board member on an association board. Or maybe you're thinking about starting a philanthropy, speaking.
at events or maybe you're looking to find your perfect partner or maybe you're looking to leave your job and become a stay at home parent and homeschool your kids. Any of those things could be options. There's so many people listening to this show. Whatever it is that is your burning desire, I want you to think about that thing right now.
Erin Diehl (02:19.402)
I want you to hold it in your mind. I want you to visualize that thing that you want to do. And now that you've got that, I want you to take a beat. And I wanna ask you and you to ask yourself, why aren't you doing that thing you want to do? Is it because you think if you ask for the raise, you won't get it?
Is it because you have zero clue how to start a business? Is it because you're afraid of posting on social media and you're afraid of what other people will think of your art? Or is it because you've never written a book and you feel stifled by the amount of work that it will take? Or is it because you don't think...
Joining a board will make sense because no one will value your opinion, or you don't know how to ask for donations of money so you don't start that philanthropy, or maybe it's because you don't know how to write a keynote and have zero clue where to start looking for opportunities, or maybe it's because you don't think the perfect person is out there for you, and you don't believe in yourself and your ability to be loved, or maybe it's...
the fear of wondering what others will think about your decision to leave work and focus on your family.
Erin Diehl (03:48.314)
I want you to really ask yourself, why are you staying put? Why aren't you making the move?
Erin Diehl (04:02.046)
yourself. I did a I did a very pregnant pause right there for you to ask yourself. So I'm gonna give you a beat. I'm gonna say, why aren't you making the move? And right now I'm gonna pause and I want you to press pause or sit with me in silence to think about why you aren't making that move. So my friend, why are you still here? Why have you not made that move to do the thing that you want to do?
Erin Diehl (04:40.174)
It's funny when we're silent and we give ourselves space and we ask ourselves questions. What we can receive.
I want to share a personal story with you about myself playing small. And you may be listening to the show right now being like, Erin, you're bold, you're a podcast host, you have a business, you're doing all the things, but let me tell you something. That did not come easy. That did not come by staying stuck. That did not come by staying still. I played small for far too long.
Yes, I started a business. I took a leap of faith and I left my job and I started Improve It. The company that I run is an amazing business. I'm so grateful that we get to use improv comedy as the art form to train people on professional skills. But for so long, I hid behind my team. I have a team of 22 improv professionals.
from all over the US. They live in Chicago, New York, LA, Charlotte, North Carolina, and they are some of the funniest people you will ever meet. Several of them have been flown out to SNL. Several of them are on main stages from some of the top comedy theaters in the world. Several of them are writers on shows that you watch. Several of them are hilarious and have a giant social following.
Erin Diehl (06:18.266)
I hid behind that for a very long time because I did not deem myself as worthy of their humor or worthy of what they had to offer. I created it. I was the Lor Michaels and I hid behind it. But I did not create this business to hide. I created it to share my love of improv.
with the world and I know how it can change people's lives because I was the case study to that. So I did facilitate and I did create but I didn't want my face everywhere.
And during this time, the first few years of starting this business, I lived in a scarcity mindset. I saw other people doing what I did or something similar as threats, as competition versus partners. And on a side note, I just saw this quote yesterday which blew my mind and it said, there's not competition. No one was given your assignment.
Let that sink in for a minute.
But also in the first few years of starting this business, I was afraid of what it meant to showcase my wacky, quirky side and not my professional quote unquote self. I wouldn't swear in front of people, which I do in real life. I wouldn't showcase negative emotion, which I do in real life.
Erin Diehl (08:00.922)
I was this butterflies and rainbows personality. And I had depth, I have a lot of depth, but I was afraid of showing my true self. I thought I had to be this professional version of me when I showed up with clients, when I showed up to a workshop, which you do have to be professional as a facilitator.
but I can allow my real self to shine. And I didn't do that for about six years of starting this business until I cracked. I broke wide freaking open, physical pain stopped me in my tracks and I had to take a beat to realize that it was the emotions behind this.
pain that were causing me the physical pain.
and I had to really uncover and unpack this butterflies and rainbow facade and face my biggest fear. I had to show the world the real me.
Erin Diehl (09:23.426)
And that kind of makes me emotional for a minute because...
Let's not say that the years of my life before that were fake. They definitely were not. People who know me really well know all sides. But I was only showing one side of myself in a business sense. So when I stepped out and I started this show, some of you've been here from the beginning, when I became a keynote speaker talking about failure and F-words at work.
I was teaching myself that failure was okay. And when I wrote a book about my own homecoming to loving myself, that's when it all clicked.
Erin Diehl (10:11.002)
I had to free myself from myself in order to become my true self. And none of that would have been possible. I would not be sitting here on this microphone, on this platform that you're listening to, in your earbuds, with you walking in the car, in the shower, wherever you are, if I did not do the deep inner work.
And I have a strategy that I want to share with you today that was given to me by a dear friend of mine. Her name is Carlos. Carlos, if you're listening, thank you. I love you so much. This strategy summarizes everything that I essentially went through over the past five years of healing, let's say.
and I'm gonna give it to you in three easy steps. I hope you're ready, my friend. Today is the day. Today is the day that we stop playing small. Today is the day that we face our biggest fear. And if that biggest fear is turning inward, I wanna hold your hand right now and let you know that you are not alone, that I am here with you.
that you've got this and that you deserve what is out there and what is waiting for you when you believe that you can get it. So here are your three steps. Step one.
This is some deep work. You're talking to yourself, okay? And if that feels icky to you, listen, this is how it starts. You gotta lean into the ick. You gotta dip a toe, dip a foot, and then by the end you're gonna have the whole leg in because that ick is where the growth happens. I say that in every workshop that we do. People don't like to feel uncomfortable and we use improv to help people feel comfortable with the uncomfortable.
Erin Diehl (12:21.414)
It is this lifelong lesson that I have continuously been preaching. Like we have to step into this and the time is now. So here's what you're going to do. You're going to write a letter to yourself. And it's going to start with dear name. All right at the top. I want you to be in a safe space when you write this letter.
I want you to have no distractions. I want you to light a candle, put on some good music. I want you to have a blanket around you and be as comfortable as possible because this letter is gonna take time. It's gonna take you 20 minutes to a half hour. And you are going to write yourself a letter congratulating yourself for everything that you are accomplishing this year in 2024 or whatever year you're listening to this. So start with January.
Dear Erin, I am so excited that you have so many press opportunities for your book. I am so excited that your show continues to grow and people find the show and develop themselves. I'm so excited that you have everything you need right in front of you for your launch parties ahead. Okay? And then you go to February. What's happening in February? Act like it already happened. Go to March. Go through every single month.
of 2024 or whatever year it is that you're listening to this show and congratulate yourself for the work that you've done. Now this I want you to dream big. Let me tell you, my letter this year has Oprah in it. All right? I'm meeting Oprah in 2024. Somehow, someway, Oprah will have my book in her hands. Okay? That is in my letter. I'm telling you that right now. I'm meeting Oprah.
So go big. It does not need to be filtered. This is your opportunity to go big. But really see yourself. It's not just about writing it down. It's not the act of writing it down. It's the act of actually believing that starts this meditation, this manifestation, this movement of belief in your mind to actually take place. So write your letter.
Erin Diehl (14:42.378)
That's step one in a safe space. And here's what I want you to do. I want you to fold it up, put it in an envelope, seal the envelope, and I want you to put it in a place where you will not forget. And I want you to write on it, on that envelope, open in June, 2024.
Erin Diehl (15:06.59)
Six months from now, you are gonna open that letter and you're gonna see what you wrote down every single month. And I am bound and determined to tell you that a lot of those things that you believed would happen came true. And in June, you're gonna fold the letter up, put it back in that drawer, and you're gonna open it again in January of 2025.
because we are sending a message to the universe. We're sending a message to our higher self, our higher power, our higher being, whatever that is to you, God, source, energy, whatever you call that higher power, we are co-creating with that energy. We're saying, here's what I think I want, but if that doesn't match up with what I'm here to do and my own assignment, like guide me to where I need to go, but here's what I want. And the things you want are wants.
and intuition that you need to listen to because typically you've been guided to that want and desire.
So that was step two, all right? You put it in your envelope, you put it in a place where you'll remember, you open it in June and you open it again in January.
Whoo, step three, y'all. Step three's gonna take you to church. This is the real deal, okay? This one is insane. This one gets me every time.
Erin Diehl (16:39.874)
So I know that a burn book was a thing that we had when I was in middle school. I think that was the name of the book they had in Mean Girls. This is not a burn book where we're talking about people. We're talking about ourselves. You are going to make a burn list, not a burn book, a burn list. And we're not burning people, okay? We are burning fundamentals that no longer serve us. So on this list,
And I encourage you to do this right after you write that letter to yourself. So you're cozy under that blanket. You got a cup of tea, great playlist and a little candle going. In that burn list, you are writing a list of what you are letting go of this year. What are you letting go of in 2024?
Erin Diehl (17:27.806)
What is not coming with you in the year ahead?
It could be you're gonna stop people-pleasing. It could be you're gonna stop allowing your health concerns to override your day-to-day life. It could be that you are going to stop saying yes when you really don't wanna do something. It could be you're gonna stop responding to texts and emails immediately. It could be that you are...
stopping allowing people to stay in your home for extended periods of time. It could be that you are conserving your energy and only giving energy to people who you feel energy from in return. That's called putting yourself on an energy budget. I want you to make this list. Take as long as you want with this list. I want you to be extremely thoughtful.
with this. Give yourself time and space.
And then I want you to review this list, read it over a couple of times, know what is no longer serving you. And then I want you to safely, keyword is safely, take the list, if it's in a notebook, rip it out, and I want you to burn it, physically burn it, use a lighter and light that baby on fire because peace out those things.
Erin Diehl (19:02.542)
Welcoming what that letter is to ourselves that is going to serve us and saying peace out to what is no longer serving us. Letting it go, literally burning it down. That is called fire, okay? We are on fire, okay? What the kids say, it's lit, okay? It's crazy. That exercise is so freeing. It is freeing AF. You feel empowered. You're like, hell yeah.
I am done with this shit. I am moving on. And see, here's the real me stepping out. Y'all, I cuss a little bit. I swear, okay? Find that in 2024. I'm showing up. So I want you to try all three of these things. Let me recap one more time. You write that letter to yourself of.
visualizing yourself at every month of the year, what you've accomplished, what you hope that happens. It can be about you, it could be about your family. You could say, I hope my son gets into this school. I hope X, Y, Z, but you're gonna put that in an envelope, save it, open it in June, open it again in January to see what has actually transpired. And then your third step is you're gonna make this burn list of what is no longer serving you, and then you're gonna review it and burn it, baby.
So I just want to remind you, life is all about a mindset. Abraham Hicks, a spiritual mentor in the world, says that there's only a steady stream of wellbeing. We can choose to be in it or we can choose to not.
Erin Diehl (20:46.522)
You can bring your desires to life by visualizing them.
co-creating and actually claiming what it is that you want. When you're super clear about what it is you want, that message gets received and things start to happen. And when you let go of what no longer serves you by being very specific and claiming them and letting them go, you are stepping into that steady stream of wellbeing.
I promise you, I know we have leaders listening to this show. We have parents, we have team members. All of us are a friend, a sibling, a partner. We all have different titles. Whatever your title is, I promise you that it's gonna help you in that specific area. Go ahead, say what you are. Mom, son, friend, daughter, parent, husband, wife, what are you?
I'm telling you by claiming what it is you want and by letting go of what no longer serves you, you are not only going to change your life, but the people who you serve.
Erin Diehl (22:09.683)
It is a domino effect.
I want you to think for a moment about leaders in your life.
I want you to think about a leader right now who inspired the crap out of you.
Did that leader play big or did they play small?
Who would you rather be led by?
Erin Diehl (22:36.882)
a leader who plays big, or a leader who plays small. Who knows what they want, who goes after it, who puts actionable, tangible steps to make it happen, but who claims it with their own energy and mindset.
I dare to say that all of you listening said that you would rather be led by a leader who plays big. So let's be the leaders that we want to be led by. And I want to just remind you of this. My beautiful, beautiful and private peeps, playing big is a choice.
Playing small is a choice. What choice will you choose?
so proud of you for showing up here today. Doing that work, being you, putting all of this into practice is the next step. So go out there, make sure you are co-creating your owning your own wants and desires and make them happen my friend. I know you can do it. There's going to be some fails along the way but that's where the lessons are learned.
Erin Diehl (23:46.942)
I believe in you. I want you to keep failing, keep improving because this world needs that very, very special it that only you can bring. I'll see you next week.