Episode 217: How Do You Become a Selfless Leader? Pamela Lookingglass Spills the Tea
Pamela is OUT and she is ready to PLAY.
In today’s episode, improve it!’s Community Manager Nicole Entzeroth interviews Erin’s very own Brand Ambassador and Top Executive at Synergy Consulting, Pamela Lookingglass. They discuss what selfless leadership means (and what it doesn’t), habits to become a selfless leader, and how to attract a magnetic culture.
If you're looking for something to spice up your leadership regimen—this is the episode for you.
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Show Links:
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Connect with Pamela Lookingglass:
Pam’s Instagram
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@itserindiehl on Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter
Erin Diehl is the founder and Chief “Yes, And” officer of improve it! and host of the improve it! Podcast. She’s a performer, facilitator and professional risk-taker who lives by the mantra, “get comfortable with the uncomfortable.” Through a series of unrelated dares, Erin has created improve it!, a unique professional development company that pushes others to laugh, learn and grow. Her work with clients such as United Airlines, PepsiCo, Groupon, Deloitte, Motorola, Walgreens, and The Obama Foundation earned her the 2014 Chicago RedEye Big Idea Award and has nominated her for the 2015-2019 Chicago Innovations Award.
This graduate from Clemson University is a former experiential marketing and recruiting professional as well as a veteran improviser from the top improvisational training programs in Chicago, including The Second City, i.O. Theater, and The Annoyance Theatre.
When she is not playing pretend or facilitating, she enjoys running and beach dates with her husband and son, and their eight-pound toy poodle, BIGG Diehl.
You can follow the failed it! podcast on Instagram @learntoimproveit and facebook, and you can follow Erin personally on Instagram @keepinitrealdiehl here. You can also check out improve it! and how we can help your organization at www.learntoimproveit.com. We can’t wait to connect with you online!
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Episode 217 Transcription
Erin Diehl (00:02.094)
Prove it peeps, welcome to today's show. I am Erin Diehl and I am so excited you are here. If you are new, welcome. If you are already an improve it peep, welcome to the show. I'm so happy to have you back. Here's a quick housekeeping item before we start today. If you haven't gotten the four step consistency planner yet, make sure to get yours. It is absolutely free and it's in the link in the show notes.
And it is a fantastic resource to help you get back into a routine and stick with that routine. And it teaches you how to do that in four easy steps. So get the link in the show notes to get yours today. And today's show is gonna embody our monthly theme for the month of December, selfless leadership. Now I wanted to guide the discussion today a bit differently. So today I've invited special guest.
Pamela Lookingglass, who is a brand ambassador for me and the new book I have coming out in February called I See You, A Leader's Guide to Energizing Your Team Through Radical Empathy. Y'all, it is already a best seller on Amazon just from pre-orders alone. So grateful for that. So know that's coming your way. But if you've been following me on Instagram, you know that Pam has been around Charleston where I live.
Hiding advanced reader copies of the book in local shops and filming it for people to go find. So it's a scavenger hunt situation. I have known Pam for a really long time. She is a dear friend and she is a very busy leader who is taking time out of her very busy schedule to help me spread this message. So you can learn more about Pamela Lookingglass at It's Pamela Lookingglass on Instagram.
Here's her bio. Pamela Lookingglass is a mother of four boys, Leo, James, Bo, and Jack. She is a top executive at Synergy Management Consulting, Incorporated. She is married to Tom Lookingglass and is doing the most in Charleston, South Carolina. Now she is here today to talk with Nicole, our community manager at Improve It, all about selfless leadership.
Erin Diehl (02:19.33)
Pam knows this book backwards and forwards as does Nicole, as Nicole plays a huge role on the internal team at Improve It. In fact, she is the brains behind the four step consistency planner. You've met Nicole before if you're an OG Improve It peep and if you've ever worked with us on a workshop.
You've heard from her on the logistics side. If you've ever read one of our newsletters, you've witnessed her writing. And if you follow Improve It on the Grammys, you have witnessed the brilliance of Nicole. So I'm gonna turn the show over to Nicole. So without further ado, let's get to improving it with Nicole and Pamela Lookingglass.
Nicole Entzeroth (03:02.306)
Hello, thank you for that introduction. I'm so excited to be here. My mom's name is also Pamela, so we're vibing already. I just wanted to start by welcoming you to the show, Pam. Can you start by telling us a little bit about yourself and your role as brand ambassador with Air and Deal?
Erin Diehl (03:12.82)
I love it. I love it.
Erin Diehl (03:25.818)
Absolutely, Nicole. It is my absolute pleasure to be here. As I know, Erin knows I run a full household and I run a business and I am a top executive. However, I also have known Erin for a very, very long time. We grew up, we are childhood friends. And when she told me she was writing this book, I thought to myself, okay, I want to get involved.
let me see how I can fit it into my schedule. And I slid her in. I had one of my assistants reach out to her and then my assistant and I coordinated it. And then I set up the talk with Erin and then we got it going. And I read the book and I said, you know what? I need this book, okay? I am a very busy leader, person, human, all the things. And the first part of the book is all about self-love. And I have gotten feedback over the years from my team that I could be more empathetic.
And that's right. Right. And so I, when I read the book, I thought to myself, okay, this book is for me. I read it in two nights. It was like the Britney Spears book. Okay. I just sat down and blew through it. Okay. Blit Britney is one of my era. And, uh, I said to myself, I need this book. I need it now. And you know what I need to do? I need to spread this message. I need to spread it far and wide. Okay. Like myself, my schedule is spread thin, but I need to be.
Nicole Entzeroth (04:20.987)
Can't we all?
Erin Diehl (04:47.654)
on board and I need to tell other people about it. And I live in Charleston. So I said, let me play a little hide and seek game, you know? And my husband, hold on, this is Tom, my husband. Tom, no, hold on, I'm doing a podcast. Yeah, it's for Erin. Uh-huh, yeah, I thought the chicken, it's on the counter and we're gonna have rice. Yep, we're gonna have rice, asparagus, broccoli, uh-huh. And then the sugar-free pudding, yep, thank you. Okay, I'm so sorry about that. That was Tom, my husband. He just calls me like all day long, so.
Nicole Entzeroth (05:15.426)
All good, you hit all your macros with that meal.
Erin Diehl (05:18.614)
Thank you so much. Macro, micro, macro, potato.
Nicole Entzeroth (05:25.939)
tomato, potato, macro
Erin Diehl (05:27.606)
Tomato potato. Yeah, so I'm here for this. I'm here for the book. We'll do anything for Erin really, as long as I can fit it in my schedule.
Nicole Entzeroth (05:34.482)
Yes, so exciting. Well, let's talk more about selfless leadership because that is the topic of today's show. What would you say Erin says is the number one way you become a selfless leader?
Erin Diehl (05:38.695)
Okay.
Erin Diehl (05:52.678)
Okay, let me tell you this. When I read part two of the book, I was floored. Okay? She gives you tips, tricks, case studies all across part two, which is all about selfless leadership. Here's what I was floored about, Nicole. Okay? I'm talking about sprawled out on the floor in a face Sammy, flat on my face. Look, I've been told through many leadership camps.
through many executive coaching sessions, through sessions with my own team. I need to give more. I'm a taker, okay? And I need to be more empathetic and I need to understand that people are human and that, you know, I do, I have four children, I'm a mother. However, I did not understand that in order to give to these people that I have in my life, I have a huge team, by the way, huge team, lots of people.
lots of very important busy people. I didn't understand that I had to give to myself in order to become a selfless leader first. And, you know, self-care is not on the schedule. All right, it's just not, there's no time in the day. All right, hold on, this is Tom, one more time. Tom? Yeah, I can't, I literally can't. I have a massage tomorrow. No, no, I, Leo needs to be picked up.
tomorrow from band practice, Tom. Tom, I gotta go. Sorry about that. That was Tom, yet again. Listen, see, my schedule's packed. Yes, but you know what I'm doing? As a selfless leader, I'm taking time for me tomorrow. I said, Tom, you're in charge of Leo, James, Bo and Jack. He is, I don't have time. I need to give to me. And if I don't give to me, there's nothing to give to anybody else, Nicole. And that was my biggest takeaway from the book. And then, you know, I also loved...
Nicole Entzeroth (07:24.878)
Oh good, you gotta get those plans. Yes, yes.
Erin Diehl (07:46.098)
an exercise she had in there called empathy. Okay. That exercise took me for a loop because what you do is you put yourself in somebody's shoes and you literally walk around at them, like you are them. And then, which was hard for me because I wear a lot of flats and sometimes I had to step into a heel. Okay. I'm a power flat woman. All right. Yeah. I don't rock a heel. Okay. I actually have an Achilles tendon for like an...
Nicole Entzeroth (08:08.639)
Amen to that.
Erin Diehl (08:15.73)
a hundred year old woman, all right? It doesn't have an arch. Okay, I can't point my toe. So that was hard for me, Nicole. But I did put on the shoe. I walked around in it and it was a great exercise. And I use it not only with my team, but I use it with my kids. I use it with Tom. God knows Tom needs more empathy in his life, Tom. So I was working.
Nicole Entzeroth (08:35.245)
Mm-hmm. So can I ask you, when you put Tom's hypothetical shoes on with this activity from the book, what did you see that you hadn't seen before?
Erin Diehl (08:46.37)
Such a good activity. Such a good question. Such a good activity, Nicole. Tom is a lover, okay? He calls me, he nags me, he bothers me, okay? Because he loves me. And I didn't, yes, he thaws the chicken. He takes the kids all over the place, okay? When I'm busy, because I'm very busy. But what I noticed was that underneath all the nagging, there was a burning desire to be seen.
Nicole Entzeroth (09:01.002)
He falls the trick.
Erin Diehl (09:18.166)
And uh, you know what Nicole? I didn't say that before. And uh, when I, when I put my shoes into his gigantic Nike dunk, when I put myself in them, I saw that, that all he wanted was for me to see what I do for the family or what he does for the family on a daily basis.
He wanted me to acknowledge him. And that's why he calls me so much, Nicole.
Nicole Entzeroth (09:47.066)
Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Yes, yes, do what you gotta do. Well, that's such a powerful takeaway, I think. Certain things on the surface level that are annoying that people can do actually are symptoms of something deeper that we can see when we practice empathy.
Erin Diehl (09:52.886)
Hold on. I'm just texting it back real quick, just to.
Yeah.
Erin Diehl (10:13.994)
You're right, you were right, Nicole, you were right. And that exercise specifically in the book, Erin says, if you do one exercise from the book, do this exercise. And I did the exercise because of course, I'm gonna follow through on my commitments, Nicole. And when I did the, I'm Pamela Lookingglass, okay? And it was like, turn in the mirror.
Nicole Entzeroth (10:32.07)
Oh yes, you're Pam.
Erin Diehl (10:42.962)
inside the Tom's heart, and I saw inside of Tom. And I've been doing that a lot with my team, but doing it a lot with my kids. And I think it's broken me down a little bit. I think I have become a little unhinged, and which is hard to do. When I get on that massage table tomorrow, oh my God, Cathy is gonna start rubbing the shoulders. She's gonna feel rocks, okay? There's rocks, there's boulders on these shoulders.
And I carried the load, Nicole, I carried the load. But when I put myself in Tom's shoes, I saw that he carried an invisible load that was not acknowledged.
Nicole Entzeroth (11:23.946)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, we're all carrying those invisible loads. So we all need to give and receive empathy Totally. Well, this brings me to my next question in the book Erin talks about one of her most selfless leaders, Jen D'Angelo
Erin Diehl (11:32.282)
Mm. Mm-hmm.
Erin Diehl (11:42.993)
and
Nicole Entzeroth (11:43.266)
Have you ever met Jen in real life? And can you tell us a little bit about what Jen is like and why this was such an important case study when it comes to selfless leadership?
Erin Diehl (11:54.714)
Oh, let me tell you this. Jennifer D'Angelo, top executive mother, is served on many boards with me. Okay, and we became close friends on these boards. And then for her birthday one year, she asked me to go to Vegas with her. That is when I learned Jen D'Angelo. Okay, we had the best time. We were zealous celebrities. I forgot who I was. I was not a mother. I was not married to Tom. I was living my best life.
Nicole Entzeroth (12:22.44)
Thank you.
Erin Diehl (12:24.01)
Okay, so yes, do I know Jen D'Angelo? Yes, I do. Now, why is Jen a great case study? Let me tell you this, because she is the selfless leader that everyone wants to be led by. Now, Erin had her as a boss for five years. And when I watched my dear friend Erin go through the five years with Jen, I watched her walk away and transform to him, because you know what Jen did?
She saw Aaron for the person that she was. She took Aaron's strengths and she expanded upon them. She said, you know what? Your weaknesses are weaknesses, great, but let's play to your strengths and what you're good at. And Aaron evolved, okay, because of Jen's leadership. Aaron stayed in that job because of Jen's leadership. And so when Aaron showed me the book and she said, I wrote about Jen for a full chapter and a half, I said, oh my God, she could be a whole book, okay.
Jen could be the book. So I think everyone will have to read this book in order to understand the full value that Jen brings to the table, okay? I'm dropping advanced reader copies around Charleston so you can find it or you can get it on February 20th, okay? And pre-order it so it lands on your doorstep on that day, by the way. But the reality is Jen DiAngelo has given the world an opportunity to see themselves better.
Nicole Entzeroth (13:21.398)
Yes.
Erin Diehl (13:49.366)
because she sees them in a certain way and everyone she interacts with feels this energy from her and she just makes it better. She just makes it better. So if everyone could take this case study and apply it to their lives, Nicole, we would not have war, okay? We would have peace. This is just the most beautiful case study of selfless leadership I've ever seen. I know Jen personally, I know Erin personally, and I know...
It's better than a trip to Vegas. You win the lottery when you lead like Jen D'Angelo.
Nicole Entzeroth (14:21.206)
Yes! Wow, that was...
Erin Diehl (14:22.602)
Yeah, I got something in my eyeball. Oh, there it is, part of my hair, okay.
Nicole Entzeroth (14:25.206)
Such a gem of a person. I hope I get to meet Jen someday. And it's, I really like what you said about how Erin evolved. She didn't, she wasn't just bossed or scolded or given directions or whatever, but she really evolved with Jen's selfless leadership because Jen helped Erin to see herself even better. And I feel like that's true for me. You know, there are certain things that I know about myself.
but what really lights a fire under me is when somebody points them out as well, especially somebody who is in a leadership position. So that's, yeah.
Erin Diehl (15:04.062)
Oh, Nicole, couldn't set it better. That's perfect. Just know that chapter, it's called 8, 9, Jen, it will change lives. It will change lives. And Jen has read it. Erin told me she said it to Jen. Then I talked to Jen after she read it. And Jen, she legit cried, okay? And it was also an awesome period for Erin and Jen because Jen actually saw herself differently after reading that chapter.
because she didn't know the impact, so that has how it has affected so many people in so many different levels until she read that chapter.
Nicole Entzeroth (15:41.814)
Yes, that's beautiful. That's a really deep, like, scratch my back, I scratch yours type of beat. I love it. Okay, well, speaking of Jen, we also meet the anti hero of Jen, Chad, who is not so much a selfless leader. What were your takeaways from how Aaron discussed Chad in the book? And what inspired you
Erin Diehl (15:51.334)
Mmhmm.
Erin Diehl (16:13.57)
Mm, mm, mm. Let me say something. Okay, so Chad is the anti-hero. He is Jen's arch nemesis. Okay, they've never met. Chad, everyone has a Chad at some point in their life. Unfortunately, there are Chads among us, okay? I don't know Chad personally, okay? Oh, I'm getting for Clem, just even thinking about this for poor Aaron. Aaron was led by Chad.
in a past life, okay, before Jen. And Chad just did not see Erin. He just saw her as a stepping stone for climbing the corporate ladder. When Chad could have been seeing Erin as a ring on the empathy ladder, his leadership would have blossomed had he actually taken time to see the people he was leading for who they are. So, yeah.
That chapter specifically goes to that activity I was just talking about called empathy. Because we learn the opposite of what it takes to be led by somebody that is not Jen D'Angelo. We learn what it takes to be led and not feel seen and we see that through the case study of Chad. Okay? And listen, I don't know Chad personally. I know Chad has...
I've heard through the grapevine from Aaron, been working on himself and he has become a better leader. At the time, I know he impacted her life in not a great way and she did not take care of herself physically, mentally, emotionally. And the job almost broke her. The job almost broke her, okay? She was down.
Nicole Entzeroth (17:57.794)
She was, yeah. Yeah, and like our leaders really affect all aspects of our health, not just like what happens at work, but how we feel physically, mentally, and emotionally, all the hours outside of work as well. So I wanted to ask you to just follow up with Chad. Were there...
Erin Diehl (18:16.705)
I know.
Nicole Entzeroth (18:21.87)
I guess certain habits or mindsets that Chad had that you feel like you've had before and it helped you learn things about yourself as a leader and I guess kind of like what not to do.
Erin Diehl (18:32.942)
I'm so... Oh, I mean, look, this book was made for me, okay? I basically am Chad. I'm gonna admit it, I'm Chad. I am Chad to the people I lead. I gotta get ahead. I have to hit my revenue marks, okay? Year over year, top executive, okay? At Synergy Management Consulting, Incorporated. I've got goals. And sometimes I would just step on my people in order to reach those goals.
Do I feel good about myself when I do that? No, I don't. Nicole, no, I don't. Do I know I'm doing it on a conscious level? No, I don't. Subconsciously, I hear achieve, okay? And Tom is like ringing in my ear all the time. Achieve, achieve, because listen, I bring home the bacon. Nicole, okay? I got four kids. I bring home the bacon. This is my life. And I realized that I have chatted out to my team on multiple occasions.
And you know, for me, as a leader, this book was a reflection. It was me looking at the way that I show up and changing those things. And it started with the activity empathy in that chapter. It's called empathy ladder and it is a brilliant chapter. And it changed me because I realized that there are people doing the work. They are human beings, not human doings. In that.
Nicole Entzeroth (19:59.071)
Mmm, yes.
Erin Diehl (20:01.086)
And Aaron says that in the book, and that changed the game for me. I said, wow, when I die, is this going to be on my tombstone? Pamela Lookingglass, top executive of Synergy Management Consulting, Inc. Is that going to be on my tombstone? Or is it going to be Pamela Anderson? Looking glass. Cause I got a whole facelift in the way I saw myself. Pamela Anderson.
Nicole Entzeroth (20:09.206)
I think.
Nicole Entzeroth (20:13.567)
Yes!
Nicole Entzeroth (20:27.12)
Mmm.
Erin Diehl (20:28.55)
Looking glass, I'm not talking about a boob job, Nicole. I'm talking about an inner working job. On the inside.
Nicole Entzeroth (20:35.138)
Absolutely. Yes. That's so important to think about. Honestly, it's kind of a morbid thought, but like.
How do we want to be remembered? You know, nobody, my brother works in the medical field and he's told me like regrets of the dying are never, oh, I wish I would have spent four more hours at the office every week, or oh, I wish I would have sent more emails, or I wish I would have been more prepared for that presentation. The regrets are, I wish I would have been more present with my family. I wish I would have gone on that trip.
Erin Diehl (20:45.623)
Mm.
Nicole Entzeroth (21:11.178)
I wish I would have said that thing to that one person that I was too scared to say. So I think it's always good to do this inner work and this reflection time while we read, because like you said, on a conscious level, you're just go, go every day, but on a subconscious level, that's where this work has to happen. So we have to take the time away to pause and reflect and think for ourselves, which it really sounds like you've been doing, Pam.
Erin Diehl (21:40.002)
Nicole, that was beautiful. And I want you to know, I put my phone on vibrate and Thomas called me three times in this and I thought to myself, as you were talking, I thought to myself, thank God he's calling me, okay? I actually thought that, thank God he's calling me because you're right, love matters. And I was living in fear, okay? I'm gonna admit it, before I read the book.
I was living a life of fear and scarcity mindset, which, you know, I am a top executive. Somehow along the way I figured out how to make money, but I was still living in, hey, I don't have enough. It's never enough. I don't have enough, enough. Four kids, let's have one more. No, four is enough. Private school versus public school. Public school's enough. You know, like that mentality has shifted me. This book shifted me.
Nicole Entzeroth (22:25.813)
Yeah.
Erin Diehl (22:36.122)
And I can feel the shift internally, and I know it's showing externally to my family and to my team.
Nicole Entzeroth (22:45.218)
Absolutely, and to interviewers like me, it really is.
Erin Diehl (22:48.222)
Oh my God, Nicole, bless you. You know, Erin tells me, she's like, I love Nicole so much. She's just the sweetest soul. And like, she was an intern for us and then she came back. And oh my God, we knew we would have her back. And we just like can't do without her. So I know she loves you, Nicole. Okay, I know that.
Nicole Entzeroth (23:04.918)
Oh yeah, the feeling is mutual. And it really is because of Erin's leadership that she teaches others how to utilize for themselves in the book, like why I came back and why I've stayed. So yeah, I'm testimonial right here that whatever Erin is saying in this book works and I am the living, breathing manifestation of that. So.
Erin Diehl (23:30.954)
You are another case study, Nicole.
Nicole Entzeroth (23:31.706)
I also, yes, yes. Speaking of case studies, I wanted to talk to you about Jenna McDonald, who works with Erin. She is in Proovitz VP of client experience. And we learn about Jenna being guided by Erin in a chapter called, Interning to an Interview with Barack Obama.
Um, what would you say was the most memorable part of this chapter? Like what stuck out to you the most?
Erin Diehl (23:57.978)
Mm.
Erin Diehl (24:05.958)
Okay, I was not physically present on this day, but my dear friend Eric called me on the right hope from this day. This story is bone chilling. Literally, I get chills thinking about it, because I had met Jenna prior to this day, and Jenna was living in a fear mindset as well. She was very timid, very shy, didn't know her own brilliance, and uh...
The improvement team got to work with the Obama Foundation, which is just crazy. And Barack Obama himself was there. I'm not gonna spill the beans. The story is beautiful, because I want people to know that there is an entire chapter dedicated to this story, and it is a beautiful display of a person finding their voice, believing in their voice, and keeping and activating that voice for the rest of their life, is essentially the story. What I took away the most from this.
was that it has to start with self-love because Jenna had to believe in herself first in order to stand up and do what she did at this amazing event. And then because she believed in herself, she made others believe in her. And that selfless leadership had created this ripple effect of change for Jenna and for the people in her life.
And I know Jenna as well. I, she's been with Improve It for about seven years and she has really leaned in to letting go of those limiting beliefs that held her back. And she has started to love herself on a deep level and it has shown in everything she does.
Nicole Entzeroth (25:51.45)
Mm, yes, I really like what you said about that one moment, helping Jenna activate her voice for the rest of her life. Like, wow, like such a powerful moment and such a testament to Aaron's leadership and her ability to guide Jenna through that moment and Jenna being able to guide herself. I think that's what it's really about. So.
Erin Diehl (26:14.506)
Mm-hmm. Oh, Nicole, a thousand percent. And you know, Erin does not take the credit for that, by the way, at all. Like she told me, she's like, this is Jenna. She just was like at the event, Amy Poehler on Mean Girls with the camcorder, like recording the whole thing, because she just was such like a proud mom moment. But no, Jenna did that herself. And it's just a brilliant case study of how-
Nicole Entzeroth (26:33.786)
Yes.
Erin Diehl (26:43.198)
The entire book works, the entire meaning of the book, which is self-love plus selfless leadership equals this magnetic culture. And Jenna is, it's a brilliant case study, brilliant.
Nicole Entzeroth (26:55.006)
Yes, 100% agree. I'm so excited for everybody to read that chapter. I got chills while reading it because I cannot imagine giving a presentation in front of Barack Obama and Jenna did it. So moment of silence and some snaps for Jenna. Yes.
Erin Diehl (27:11.746)
giving it up for Jenna, giving it up for Jenna. Yes, Jenna. And yes to everybody who's found their voice and run with it, okay? And you will find your voice after going through some of those activities from Erin.
Nicole Entzeroth (27:24.178)
Mm-hmm. I'm so excited for everybody, really. Well, that selfless leadership, that's what we've been talking about a lot just with the stories of
Erin Diehl (27:27.414)
Me too.
Nicole Entzeroth (27:36.546)
Jen and Chad and Jenna's and my experience with Aaron being a selfless leader in my life. And we've talked about how it really is an inside job and it starts with taking care of yourself first. So Pam, can I ask you how do you do that on a day to day? Like how do you take care of you first? I know you're getting a massage tomorrow, which is so exciting, but on a daily basis.
Erin Diehl (28:03.415)
Yes.
Erin Diehl (28:08.15)
Nicole, okay, I read this book a month ago. The exercise, the self-care has taken a turn in the past month. Okay, a month ago, self-care was me luckily washing my face and brushing my teeth at the end of the day. I got four kids, okay? Leo wakes up in the middle of the night still, all right? He needs me to go wipe his butt, okay? Cause he still can't do it, all right? Then I've got James.
Nicole Entzeroth (28:29.536)
Mm-hmm. Yep.
Erin Diehl (28:35.414)
who is in kindergarten, okay? And he needs me all the time, sometimes during the middle of the night. So like, for me, there was no self care. There was no time, there was nothing. And finally, I said to Tom, now Tom does work. Tom is a firefighter, okay? So Tom has some odd hours. So I'm picking up what he's putting down. Here's the thing. I told Tom, I sat him down after I read the book and I said, listen, this has to change.
because I have nothing to give. I've got nothing, I have nothing in the tank, Tom. The gas tank is empty, okay? The tea kettle is dry. There is nothing to pour into anyone else's cup, all right? And he said, I get it, honey. Okay, so you're good. Tom gets it, and he just wants to be seen, and he wanted me to acknowledge what he does. So I said, Tom, you have also done a fantastic job.
with the kids when I'm not around. So that was me looking at him saying, I see you, okay. And then we talked about my routine and I said, listen, in order to be productive, I need to get something in my body moving in the morning. So I joined a Zumba class, okay. I go to Zumba. I go to Zumba three days a week, all right. And we make sure it fits around time schedule. And when I'm in Zumba, Nicole,
Nicole Entzeroth (29:50.248)
Mm. Yes!
Erin Diehl (30:00.594)
I'm feeling myself, all right? My inner child just comes out, I'm feeling alive, and I'm like, this is my happy place. I get those endorphins flowing, okay? Then I come home, I've given to myself first. Then I can get the kids up, take them to school, do all those things, and then you know what I've started doing before I start my work day. Erin's got this meditation album thing that she put out, and I said, okay. I never thought your voice could be soothing, but I'll try it, okay? And I...
played the first one and I was like, this is weird and woo woo. And then I said, no. At the end of the day, I actually felt more clear. So I tried it the second day and I said, let me do another one. Then ended the second day, I felt more clear. So those are my things. I go to Zumba and if I'm not at Zumba, I'm gonna get up and I'm just gonna walk around the house. I'm gonna get my steps in cause I can't let the kids, if time's working, I'll just like walk around, walk, get my endorphins going.
just to feel the blood, but I'm not getting the kids up. I'm giving to me. And then I'm starting the day with a meditation. And that has changed the game for me, Nicole. I feel like I have more to give that way.
Nicole Entzeroth (31:12.794)
Yes, I think that's such a great lesson for listeners too, is giving to ourselves first does not have to be complicated. Like you said, if you can't go to Zumba, it's literally just walking around the house. It's the impact that has to be the same. And the impact is I've given to myself first, so now I can give from a place of overflow instead of lack. And like there's such a difference there. So thank you for sharing your routine.
Erin Diehl (31:27.335)
Uh-huh.
Erin Diehl (31:39.954)
Amen.
Nicole Entzeroth (31:42.068)
do a Zumba class now but the couple times I've done Zumba I have cracked up and I've like had to leave the room so but maybe I need to go with you Pam maybe we could coordinate something.
Erin Diehl (31:52.034)
Come with me, Nicole, I'll teach you all the things. We can giggle, we can shake it, we cannot break it. We can have the time of our lives. And that for me is my time. I'm like, this is my time. And I'm looking myself in the mirror while I'm doing a little frontward roll, a little backward roll. And I'm shimmy-shaking and I'm telling myself, you know what, girl, you look good. For having four children, you look good.
Nicole Entzeroth (32:13.022)
Yes, you do. You really do, Pam.
Erin Diehl (32:15.09)
Yeah, I do. I do. I feel it now. I didn't before, but I feel it now.
Nicole Entzeroth (32:20.584)
Well, I want to end. Actually I think I have like two more questions left. The first one would be what I guess parting advice after everything that we've talked about would you give someone who's listening right now to become a more selfless leader?
Erin Diehl (32:41.002)
Ho Nicole, this is a loaded question!
Erin Diehl (32:46.922)
besides reading Aaron Deal's book, had to say I'm on a commission basis with her book. Okay, getting commissioned. It's an affiliate program. Brandon Baster is an affiliate, so I'm going to say it. Okay, I also sell a pyramid scheme product. So holler on me on the side for that. I would say in order to become a selfless leader, you got to figure out what makes you tick first, because you can't be selfless if you don't give to yourself.
Nicole Entzeroth (32:52.848)
Yes, brand ambassador.
Erin Diehl (33:16.586)
And then once you understand what makes you tick and you filled that cup, then you have some chips and tricks in this book to help guide you to be more empathetic, to help guide you to bring the energy you wanna bring to work every day, to help create and manifest the future that you want. So I would say the first step would be acknowledging who you are. And there's a great, great activity in the book called the Ideal Day.
and it helps guide you to see what you want in that day. And there's also an activity called Yes And Your AMS, which helps you set up a morning routine, then we create your ideal day. And after you have that ideal day, you know what you want. So once you feel like you have been, your needs have been met, that's when you can give to others successfully. And it's an inside job. This is not gonna happen overnight. It's gonna take time, intentional effort. But if you can look in the mirror and say, I see you.
You know you're ready to give to others and give selflessly. That's it.
Nicole Entzeroth (34:16.454)
Mm, yes. You have to see yourself before you can see anyone else. You had to give to yourself before you could see Tom, before you could see your kids, your team. That's, yes, beautiful lesson. And it's, you're so right. I use the ideal day myself and the, I did the yes and your morning routine. And I feel so much clearer, even if it's a.
Erin Diehl (34:28.08)
Hmm.
Nicole Entzeroth (34:44.758)
day that doesn't go how I thought it was going to or it's not as productive or whatever, I still feel like I'm in control and I still feel like I can give to others. Whereas before when I wasn't giving to myself first it was
Erin Diehl (34:54.979)
That's right.
Nicole Entzeroth (35:03.438)
I was so reactive and it wasn't allowing me to get anywhere. So it really does have monumental effects when you fill your cup first.
Erin Diehl (35:15.07)
Nicole, let me add one thing to that because I live from the reactionary place my entire life. I'm still trying to break the pattern, okay? But when I center myself, when I do the morning meditation, when I have completed these exercises and I know what it is that I want and I run my day, don't let my day run me, there is a sense of flow. And when I flow, things are easier. They don't seem hard.
and I get new business, okay, for my consulting firm, okay, synergy, their synergy just comes to us. I might get a new client for my pyramid scheme, okay. I might sell a book for air and deal, but it starts with me aligning myself first and getting into that flow. And if I'm not in that flow, I can't do anything. I'm being honest. Those are the days I face plan on the floor and I'm done.
Nicole Entzeroth (36:09.259)
Yes, and I think that being in that flow and like you said, getting more business for synergy, that's that speaks to attraction, which is kind of part three in the book and how when we are in this state of flow and we've given to ourselves first and we're able to lead selflessly, that's when we attract the right people into our life when we're not
Erin Diehl (36:19.022)
Mm. Mm-hmm.
Nicole Entzeroth (36:34.606)
taking care of ourselves first and loving ourselves first and being a selfless leader, we're blocking ourselves from those people entering in. So, and I think it's so important about what you said about being in flow and how that has really allowed the right people to come into your life.
Erin Diehl (36:52.706)
That's right, Nicole. That's right. All of it.
Nicole Entzeroth (36:55.818)
Yes. Well, I just wanted to end Pamela and I wanted to ask you, Erin always asks guests, what is your it? Like that one thing that only you bring to the world that makes you special, that makes you feel like yourself. What would you say, Pamela Looking Glass, is your it and why?
Erin Diehl (37:19.77)
What a great question, Nicole. And you know, I haven't thought about this very much, but this just popped in the old ticker. I have the name Looking Glass for a reason, okay? I can either look at the glass half empty or the glass half full. And what I have now done, it is my purpose and my mission and my it to help see the glass full for myself first so that I can pour
other people's cups and fill them up too. So listen, my it is to relearn and break a pattern that I have had my entire life and to share that testimony with the world and to be the best
Nicole Entzeroth (38:11.554)
That was beautiful, Pam. Yes, I feel that so much. The relearning and the unlearning, like, that is our life's work. And it's so beautiful how you are responding to that call.
Erin Diehl (38:16.43)
Thank you.
Erin Diehl (38:25.218)
Thank you, Nicole. Thank you. And speaking of calls, this is Tom. Okay, I gotta go, Nicole. Thank you so much. Thank you.
Nicole Entzeroth (38:29.93)
Yes, of course, tell Tom I say hi, enjoy the chicken tonight.
Erin Diehl (38:33.618)
I will. Hey, thank you so much. Hey, Tom, Tom. Yeah, Nicole was amazing. Tell Erin, she was so good. She was so good. Yeah, okay, I'm on my way.
Nicole Entzeroth (38:40.886)
Thank you.
Erin Diehl (38:46.574)
Okay, well there you have it. Improve it peeps. You've heard from Nicole and Pamela Lookingglass. And if you liked this interview, make sure to follow Pamela Lookingglass, brand ambassador in Instagram. She is a work in progress, but aren't we all. Until next time, you know what I'm gonna say, keep failing, keep improving, because this world needs that very special it that only you can bring.
Nicole Entzeroth (38:47.51)
Okay.
Erin Diehl (39:16.45)
See you next time.