Episode 59: How to Ask for What You Want - TODAY
“Seeing is believing y’all. So you have to see what it is you want in order to believe it.” - Erin Diehl
Failed it! Fam, you were absolutely meant to hit play on today’s episode. What is one thing you want to cultivate, manifest, and bring into existence in your life? Listen in as Erin takes us through her five step plan on how to get what you want!
In today’s episode, Erin talks to us about:
The 5 step process to ask for what you want - TODAY
Changing your perspective to seeing is believing
How to use failure improvisation
Links from show discussions:
Vision Setting Episodes
About the Host: Erin Diehl is the founder and Chief “Yes, And” officer of improve it! and host of the failed it! Podcast. She’s a performer, facilitator and professional risk-taker who lives by the mantra, “get comfortable with the uncomfortable.” Through a series of unrelated dares, Erin has created improve it!, a unique professional development company that pushes others to laugh, learn and grow. Her work with clients such as United Airlines, PepsiCo, Groupon, Deloitte, Motorola, Walgreens, and The Obama Foundation earned her the 2014 Chicago RedEye Big Idea Award and has nominated her for the 2015-2019 Chicago Innovations Award.
This graduate from Clemson University is a former experiential marketing and recruiting professional as well as a veteran improviser from the top improvisational training programs in Chicago, including The Second City, i.O. Theater, and The Annoyance Theatre.
When she is not playing pretend or facilitating, she enjoys running and beach dates with her husband and son, and their eight-pound toy poodle, BIGG Diehl.
You can follow the failed it! podcast on Instagram @learntoimproveit and facebook, and you can follow Erin personally on Instagram @keepinitrealdiehl here. You can also check out improve it! and how we can help your organization at www.learntoimproveit.com. We can’t wait to connect with you online!
Episode 59 Transcription
Erin (00:00):
You will know that you will not. Let me say this again Mike. Call me Tamiya, the tool woman Taylor, because I have got some flair for that tool battle. Let me say that again, Mike. Let me go back to Tamiya. Here we go.
Erin (00:20):
Hey friend, are you a leader who is career-focused, goal-driven and possess a life long learner mentality? Do you dream about achieving your goals and spend hours Googling how tos and gurus? Does a side effect of your awesome, might I add, personality include perfectionism, the dreaded imposter syndrome and the ever-present fear of failure? Well, you've landed in the right place. We just became virtual BFFs. I'm Erin Diehl, the founder of the improv training company improve it! And a recovering perfectionist turned failfluencer. Inspired by the improv rule there are no mistakes only gifts, this podcast is the creative outlet you need to not only motivate you, but the people that you lead. Through interviews with corporate leaders, entrepreneurs, and even comedians, you'll walk away becoming a more empathetic boss by realizing that failure is a part of the journey and you must fail in order to improve. In the scene of life, we all have our own unique gifts that we bring to the world, and it is our mistakes that help to unwrap them. Welcome to failed it!
Erin (01:40):
Failed it! Family. I am so happy to have you here. What a journey we've been on together. And if this is your first time listening to the show, I want to welcome you to the failed it! Family, where we believe in failing forward together. So if you're a longtime listener, first time caller, which what does that even mean? Welcome back and get ready, because I'm about to give you a big virtual hug. You ready? You feel that? Hopefully you have felt an in-person hug as of recently, as we have seen this world start to reopen and we are all starting to just feel a little bit better and more hopeful about our future. So that's why I wanted to get into today's episode because I am feeling some hope y'all. Hope, hope, hope! We've started getting requests for in-person offerings again, we have a happy hour planned in person in August with our improv professionals.
Erin (02:54):
And we are just starting to see the light at the end of this tunnel. I am sure you are too my friends. So as things start to get back to their new, new normal quote, unquote, I wanted you to have the tools in your tool belt to get what ever it is that you want out of your career and ultimately your life. Failed it! Fam call me Tamiya, the tool woman Taylor. Yes, that is a home improvement reference because I've got some flair for that tool belt my friends. You ready? Let's get to failing it so we can ultimately drive home your success. First okay, let me just start with repeating what I just said, failing it. You have to fail in order to improve. And if you're listening to this show, if you've listened to any episode prior to this, you know, that failing is a part of this process.
Erin (04:06):
So know that the tips and the tricks that I'm about to pop in your ear are from my own experience, my own fails and the things that I've learned through them. And just to give you a fun tip if you're not following me on Instagram, let's, let's hang on on the social media friends, but my handle is @keepingitrealdiehl. That's D I E H L. And over the past 30 days, I have committed to creating 30 reels, Instagram reels in 30 days. And I did this for a number of reasons, but number one, I always practice what I preach. So I'm always talking on here and in our workshops about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. So I needed to do that. Number two, I needed to see how in the world these things worked and number three, I needed to figure out what in the world works on social media.
Erin (05:08):
So I have been failing it left and right, my friends, I have put so many embarrassing things on the interwebs, but I am just leaning into it and having a good time in the process. So just a fun fact for you. And, and to kind of piggyback on that and where we're going with today's show. I am leaning into this notion of failure because I know it leads to so many open doors. So the things I'm going to talk to you about today are for you through my own failure lens, and know that the method I'm going to give you today is my own. I have asked for many things. So today we're talking all about how to ask for what you want today. Okay? How to ask for what you want today. And I have asked for so many things, okay. And I've been told big fat no's so many stink in times, but the method that I'm going to give you today has worked for me in some way, shape or form.
Erin (06:21):
There is a twist. So I want you to stay tuned for that at the end. But this method is tried and true. And yes, you're going to hear no, but this can also lead to many a yes. So let's start by talking about the things that you, my failed it! Family want. You may want a raise. You may want a promotion. You may be seeking a work-life balance. You might be seeking good health, weight loss, recognition, a baby, vacation, a new home, a new car. The thing is we all we all have wants, right? So right now failed it! Family, I want you to close your eyeballs. If you are driving, just keep one eye open. Okay. Get crazy. No, I'm just kidding. Don't do that. But close your eyes if you're in a safe space to do so. And I want you to think about the thing that it is that you want the most right now. I give you a minute to think of that thing. What is that one thing you want to cultivate to manifest, to bring into existence in your life?
Erin (07:38):
By the way, I am strongly feeling like you were meant to hit play on today's episode. Yes, I am woowoo, but woowoo works. So it's ultimately all about making yourself feel good, so you can get to a place of attracting abundance. And that's what we are here to do today. Attract some abundance to you. So, all right, you've got that thing in your brain. All right. That picture in your mind of what it is that you want. So let's just say maybe it's a raise and a fancy house on the Lake who doesn't want to be fancy Nancy and live on the lake. Maybe you want balance at work and you have absolutely no clue how to get it, but you are dreaming of that vacation or that after work bike ride that would make you feel like a human being and not a robot.
Erin (08:36):
So now that you've got your thing, we are going to go step-by-step through the five step plan that I have created and laid out for you, my friends. So you can ask a person, whether it's a boss, a coach, a mentor, a partner, or whoever or ask the universe to allow what you want to accumulate into your life. So five step process, and here's the very first one. Step one, you are going to vision set. That's right. Let me sing it again. Vision set. So if you missed our series on vision setting, I want you to scroll back to episodes 34, 36 and 38 of the failed it! Podcast. We have a whole vision setting series. If you want to deep dive, if you want more tools in that tool belt, these three episodes can help, but here is just a high, high level overview of what it means to ask for what you want or how to vision set.
Erin (09:48):
So I want you to envision your future, my friends, and I want you to put that vision somewhere you can see it every single day. So what this means, you can write affirmations as if you've already achieved what it is that you want. So for example, you use I am statements. I am a New York times best seller. I am the vice president of human resources. I am blank, whatever it is that you want, you are not wanting it, now you are it. All right. So I am statements really work. And then you can also create visions on a vision board. I know it's woowoo, but it works. So create a vision board of the picture of the house you're going to get. Once you get that raise, the picture of the vacation you're going to take would that work-life balance, the picture of the baby that you are attracting into your life. Seeing is believing y'all.
Erin (11:00):
So you have to see what it is you want in order to believe it. I'm going to tell you about one book that really changed the game for me on vision setting. It's called the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I've talked about it before in the show. Oh my gosh, it's just a life-changing book. And it's not a book that you can sit down and read in one sitting. It's a 12 week book and you go week by week and each chapter is a different week and it prompts you and gives you just creative prompts to think about and cultivate what it is you want in your life. We're going to link to this in the show notes, but this book gave me the courage to know and to feel what I wanted for my life and for my family's future. I saw our future through the lens of this book.
Erin (11:52):
So once I saw it, I could not look back. And I kid you not. I did this book, I think in 2016, and I cultivated a baby and a life near the water in Charleston, South Carolina, which is where I now live in a creative company that allows me to bring positivity, laughter and joy. And I had already started improve it! At this time. But just it's so crazy. I actually went back and looked at some of my answers and it really happened. It works. So vision setting is so, so important. So once I saw what I wanted at this book, I could not look back and I knew what I wanted my family's life and my life to look like. So I would stop at nothing to create it. So once you see what it is, you want my failed it! Family. It's going to be hard to look away because once you see it, you know, it can happen.
Erin (12:49):
This is so important and it's so important and special. And ultimately this vision setting was the roadmap to myself and my family's happiness. I mean, seeing what you want is believing that thing in your mind. I want you to make a Pinterest board of the life you want and pull that Pinterest board up every single day before you start work or create a vision board and put it next to your sink in your bathroom. So when you brush your teeth, you look at that vision board. My good pal, Judy holler does this, okay? I'm saying, put this in a place, maybe it's right next to your bed. So when you go to bed, these are the things you dream about. I want you to see it, these visions of what it is you want your life to look like and see them so clearly that they almost hit you in the face.
Erin (13:43):
Alright a soft pat, not like a hard hit, but like a soft pat. Okay. All right. So number two, you've seen the vision. Now you have to create the plan that is step to create the plan. You must have a plan, a great tool for planning and project management is Asana. Okay? You can use a sauna just for yourself. A lot of people use it in their small teams or for their business. We at improve it! Love it. We're obsessed with it. It's a great tool for collaboration, but it's also a great tool to keep yourself on track. So you can use a spreadsheet if you don't want to use a software and just assign dates and assign yourself or your partner or your team tasks. Let's say, for example, you want to raise, okay, you've set your vision and you know what that extra money could do.
Erin (14:40):
So whether it's a trip that you're going to go on, saving for retirement, saving for that dream home, you now have to figure out how to ask for the raise because there has not been an opportunity where one was given to you. So you decide, okay, I'm going to have this conversation with my boss at our next review in one month. So one month from today, I'm having this conversation. You're going to then work backwards from there. What do I need to do to prove that I need the raise? I need to show proof that I'm deserving of this by tracking all of my tasks, I'll start a spreadsheet today. All right. So right now you're creating the plan within a plan. It's very meta. Okay. So then I need to schedule some time to find data points that show what others in my industry are making.
Erin (15:37):
I'll schedule some time for that next week. So that goes in your spreadsheet or your Asana software system. A S a N a is Asana. It's what I'm saying. So you're, you're timing and tasking these tasks out. Then you say, okay, now that I have some time to find data, I think it would be helpful to put together a list of stretch assignments outside of my role that I could provide to my boss that proves that I'm willing and able to make it to that next level. I'll schedule some times for that week after next, then the week before the review, I'll schedule time to print off all of my data, my talking points and I'll come prepared with a presentation to my manager on why I deserve this raise. That is my plan. That is my roadmap. So you see what we did there.
Erin (16:29):
We created the plan. You created the plan. You didn't execute the plan. You just created it. Okay. How can you create your own plan right now? My failed it! Family. I want you to think about that. One thing we talked about earlier, what is that one thing? What is your roadmap? What is your plan? You've seen it so clearly your vision is set. How do you plan against it? What steps do you need to take? I want you to think of that one thing. And right now, pick a date to execute the plan and then work backwards from there. So if you're asking for a raise in a month, work backwards, so that by the time you get to the month of, or the day that you're going to talk to your boss, you have week by week, made little steps towards that goal. Here's an example for you.
Erin (17:24):
When I knew I wanted to leave my full-time job at a recruiting firm, I was doing business development consulting, and I wanted to leave to start improve it. I knew I had to create a plan to do this. So John, my husband and I sat down, we picked a date that I would talk to my boss and I worked backwards from there. So I knew I needed to do the following. I needed to figure out number one, what I needed to make at improve it! In order to replace my income. Number two, I needed to strategically map out here. It is step two, how to do this. So we were not in a bad place financially. And we decided that I would first go part-time at my full-time job. So my first ask became not leaving completely, but going part-time. And I knew that just by giving myself two days a week at improve it!, This would be such an interesting case study to see if the company would work.
Erin (18:27):
So two dedicated business days to improve it. The other three and my full-time steady paycheck job and see what would happen. Okay. So step three is we put together how this could look. So I thought, okay, I'll work Monday, Wednesday, Friday at my full-time job. And then Tuesdays and Thursdays, will be my improve it! Day. And I put together a list of reasons, how I could still book new meetings and meet with prospective and existing clients and still bring value to my recruiting firm all while still meeting and discussing plans for my perspective clients here at improve it!, Right? So we have this plan, but it was very strategic because I wanted to go to my boss with this plan in place so she could just say, thank you for doing the work for me. Yay or nay. So I mapped all of this out on a calendar.
Erin (19:23):
I put together a word doc with who I was going to target on those three days. I was actually in the office who would take over my workload on the Tuesday, Thursdays when I was out and then how to manage my calendar when I was there the three days. Very strategic. Okay. I then presented this to my boss and my CEO. And they're so amazing. They believed in me and because I had come to the table with a plan and I took ultimately the workload and the problem solving off their shoulders, they said, yeah, yes. Okay. So yeah, it works!
Erin (20:05):
Hey failed it! Fam, are you a leader for a small or large team? That's stuck working from home. Are you missing the in office happy hours or training sessions that allow people to interact and get to know each other? Are you sick of staring at a spreadsheet? And you want something that will not only enhance team morale, but also build soft skills? Then improve it! Has your back. We've pivoted all 11 of our in-person soft skill training workshops to this virtual environment. Using Zoom, we'll create a memorable hour and a half experience that can train your team on things like effective communication, leadership, thinking quickly on your feet, presentation skills and networking all in this virtual environment. Leading a team of interns, let us wow them with our career one on one workshop. Leading a sales team has figuring out how to cold call or even warm call in this virtual world. Have our team of improv professionals facilitate our sales training workshop. If this is the spice that your team needs to get out of this work from home rut? Email us at info@learntoimproveit.com again, that's info@learntoimproveit.com and that's T O improveit.com. Or you can head to our website, learntoimproveit.com to learn more. We would love to help you improve your it virtually whatever your it might be.
Erin (21:41):
Which brings me to step three, gather data. I'm an improviser for a reason. I do not like working in accounting or numbers or math equations. However, I can rock a P and L sheet with the best of them. But have you ever heard that phrase data tells a story? It is so stinking true. Okay. You want to ask for that raise with no data? You just want to say, Oh, I mean, I feel like I work hard and I feel like maybe I should deserve a raise. That does not even ever work. Okay. No way data wins every single time. So let's get back to this example of the raise. I'm loving this cause who doesn't want to raise, right? Let's say you want to raise and you want to compare your salary with the average salary of individuals in your field. So here's a list of websites that you can do that on.
Erin (22:45):
You can look at glassdoor.com, salary.com, payscale.com, indeed.com, just Google salary for whatever your job title is. And these websites will pop up. Now here's a few things to consider. When you are comparing your salary. Number one, job titles, a lot of people have made up job titles that are not the same from company to company, your field or your industry location matters so much. And your years of experience. So location is a huge factor. As the cost of living from city to city, state to state really does factor into salary. So I want you to take the information you've found in your data points and use it to tell the story of why you deserve this bump in your salary. So in addition to using these data points, as a way to tell your story, if you were in sales, you must tell a story, this data.
Erin (23:45):
So how many sales have you converted? How much revenue have you provided the firm? How have you converted leads into clients? If you're in marketing, what is your conversion rates? How many email subscribers have you gained recruiters? How many placements have you made HR professionals? What's your employee retention rate? The list goes on and on you feel me here. All I'm saying my failed it! Family is gather that data, make that a part of the plan. You set that vision, you see the future, you take those steps and put together a plan, a roadmap, and then part of that roadmap should include gathering this data. So if you're looking for a new car or a house, you better believe you're going to do some comps and comparisons before you signed the dotted line to get that dream car or the home by the Lake, right?
Erin (24:43):
Data is the ultimate driver to let you know you were on track and that what you're hoping to come your way can do so because you have the data to back it up. I don't think I've ever been this excited to talk about data in my life. I sound so excited about it right now, but I really am. It tells a story and it gives you the proof in that pudding, okay. Said, pudding, let's get to step four. So now I want you to present this plan failed it! Family. Listen here, listen, this is so, so, so important. You have to, and I'm going to repeat half to be in the right Headspace for this. I want you to get yourself into the most positive Pam positive Peter space that you could possibly be in before you do this. This is something that we really hone in on our presentation skills workshops that we do in person or virtual.
Erin (25:56):
You have to mitigate anything that can set off negative triggers in your brain. If you are delivering this conversation in person, I want you to make sure to do the following, put your outfit out the night before, have your talking points ready, leave early, get a babysitter if you need it. And I want you to listen to your best pump up jams right before you walk in. And I want you to do the same thing if it's virtual, but you can wear sweat pants if you must. All right, you don't have to plan the outfit the night before, just pull a chambray shirt off of your, of your hanger in your closet. Put an earring on, pop on a lip. You're good to go. So I want you to think about this. I'll say something that puts me in a positive head space that I always talk about in our workshop.
Erin (26:51):
And people are like, really? She's saying that, yes, I'm going to say it. I have a Pinterest board that I look at before I have to have hard conversations that is filled with puppies puppies. If you take anything from this podcast, please don't just take puppies Pinterest boards. Okay. But what that does, it just raises my endorphins and it just makes me smile. It makes me so happy and calm. So find your happy and calm and make that a priority before you present this plan. Okay? Now I want you to start off presenting with confidence. Let's go back to this raise example. So start off the conversation without saying, sorry, without saying maybe, but with full confidence, I've got a script for you. You can literally write this down word for word in your phone notes right now. Or you can go to our website, learntoimproveit.com.
Erin (27:54):
We transcribe every episode so you can see this script if you need it. All right. So here's what I want you to say. Hi boss person. I'm so excited to chat with you today. This is, if you're asking for a raise, as you know, I've been really making an effort to crush all of my goals here, and I'm excited to share what I've done in the past six months. I've created a document I'd like to review with you with examples. Okay? After you review the examples that you put together, you then present your idea. I would like to present the idea of raising my salary by X amount. I've outlined a plan for what stretch assignments I could take on in the next six months in order to achieve this salary, I would like to review those with you, as well as this document I've put together with data points of corresponding salaries in my same job, title, location, and years of experience, pause, pause, pause, wait for a response.
Erin (29:02):
They will then more than likely allow you to present. And if they don't, you don't want to work for this person because they have horrible people skills. I'm just being real. So once you get that opportunity to present, you then present with confidence and ease. Oh my gosh. Sounds so easy. Right? This can go for anything you are looking to do, just use this script and tweak it for whatever it is that you want, whatever it is that you're asking for. So perhaps you want better work-life balance. So here's an example, another script, hi boss person. I'm so excited to chat with you today. As you know, I've really been making an effort to crush all my goals here, and I'm excited to share what I've done in the past six months. I've created a document that I'd like to review with you with examples.
Erin (29:59):
And then after you reviewed the examples, you then present your idea. I would like to present the idea of providing more of a work-life balance for myself and for my peers. I've put together a document which outlines the number of hours I've personally worked each week for the past six months. Now, as you can see, the time I'm working far exceeds the time that I am not, I would like to discuss a plan to implement better work-life balance for myself and other team members. Here's a document outlining how to do this. Do you see the tweaks? You are still envisioning what you want. You're still putting together that plan. You're providing data, data, data, data, data, whatever, providing data, and then you're presenting, okay. Here is the final, final step. Step five. Stay with me. You are crushing this. Prepare to improvise. I told you there was a twist.
Erin (31:00):
Here it is. You may not get that raise. Your boss may look at the data, your years of experience. And they may say, okay, well, we'll meet you halfway. Or we may want to revisit this in the next six months. You may not get the exact work-life balance that you seek, but guess what? Your ideas were heard and perhaps the, and part of this, the yes, and if you will, is the fact that you now feel you can come to the table with ideas and they are at least listened to. So when I asked to go part-time at my full-time job, they said yes, but part-time to us, looks like 32 hours a week. Remember that example? Me asking for my part-time job. Part-Time wasn't, part-time what I thought part-time was, it was 32 hours a week. Can you fit 32 hours into three days?
Erin (32:06):
Guess who made that work? Ya girl. Then when I wanted to leave part-time and go full-time improve it because things had really started to pick up at improve it. My boss at my full-time job, or now my part-time job, he asked me to stay on for what I considered to be unconventional six weeks. Those were six long weeks, but I agreed because I didn't want to leave her in a bad position. She believed in me and I just wanted to leave the company and my role in a good place now in a perfect, perfect world. I would have given two weeks, I would have went on my way, you know, started handling more improve it! Type work, but I stayed because I knew it was best for the company. And it also gave me a little more cushion in terms of salary that I was actually going to get.
Erin (33:07):
And it worked out for the best. I still talk to this boss all the time. I love her. She's a dear friend of mine, and I ultimately felt better leaving her in a good position and my teammates in a good position than if I had just done what was best for me. So I guess ended that idea. So my point is failed it! Fam. You will not get what you want, unless you ask, you have to come up with the vision, create a plan, find data to back it up, present the plan and be prepared for things to go off track or perhaps even, and then fail. You will not even be able to fail unless you try. So, whatever it is that you want to do today, that thing you had in your mind, please go do it, get out there and try. And if you fail, you have least learned something in the process.
Erin (34:17):
I hope that these tips served you today, failed it! Fam. Now here's me practicing what I preach. I'm going to ask you for something that I want. Yup. I know you're going to be shocked. There's actually two things. Okay. I'm going to start with the first thing. Number one, an iTunes review. Oh, here it is. I'm asking for some money on a real note, I have envisioned having a hundred podcasts reviews by the end of June. So this is my vision. I'm sharing with you right now. I literally stare at the number 100 on a post-it note near my computer every single day. I've created a list of people. I know who've listened to this show and I'm going to ask them to leave one. So here's my plan. I'm going to ask these peeps to leave them, but maybe we don't know each other yet.
Erin (35:20):
So right now, as the time of this recording, we have 82 reviews to date. And I know we have so many more people who listened to this show on the reg. So I'm not giving you all those data points, but I have the data to back it up. There's my data. And if I could get to a hundred reviews by the end of June, I would be able to ask so many more amazing guests to come on this show because the reviews are the only way that people see the success of the show since you can't share your, your downloads publicly. Downloads are a private thing for podcasters, so you can share it, but no one else has access to that data but you. So that's me presenting to you and I'm prepared for this not to happen. I just had a crack in my voice, but as a failfluencer, it is my job to try. And that's step five, improvisation.
Erin (36:23):
So I just laid it all out for you. I had a vision. I have the plan. I have the data points. I am presenting to you and I'm willing to improvise if it goes off the rails. So see what I did there. So on a real note, if you haven't left us a podcast review, it would mean so much to me, and my amazing team behind the scenes, we just read every single one. It really does help with the success of the show. So all you have to do is go on iTunes, click five stars at the very bottom. And if you want to write a comment, write a comment, but it would mean so much. So that's me asking for what I want. Here's the second thing I want. And I'm not going to present this to you in the five step process.
Erin (37:11):
This one's a little bit easier. The review takes you 30 seconds. This one may take you five seconds. If this podcast makes you smile in any way, shape or form, all I want you to do is pass on that smile to somebody else today, whenever you are listening to this show, I want you to think about the way it makes you feel. I hope it's inspiring. I hope it challenges you in the best way and makes you want to become better and fail and improve and do all the things. But if it makes you smile, I just want you to pass that smile or that laughter on. We need so much more laughter, levity and positivity in this world. And I know that it is in your heart, failed it! Fam. So if you can pass it on shine on and fail. Yeah. Failed it! Fam. Fail. Frickin. Yeah.
Erin (38:14):
Hey friends. Thanks for tuning into failed it. I am so happy you were along for the ride. If you enjoyed this show, please head on over to iTunes, leave us a five star review and subscribe to the show so you never miss an episode. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Now, if you're really feeling today's show, please take a screenshot and tag me on Instagram at keepingitrealdiehl and share it to your stories so we can bring more people to the failed it! Family. I'll see you next week, but I want to leave you with this thought, what will you fail at today and how will that help your future successful self? Think about it. I'm so proud of you and you are totally failing it. See you next time.